September 21, 2023

Music Is Life


What would your life be like without music?

Dance and music are intrinsically woven into Indian culture. Ceremonies are incomplete without song and dance. Every occasion has typical music associated with it.

During Durga Puja, which is going to be held in October this year, the sound of Dhaak beats announces the arrival of the deity. When she is worshipped the beat is different. When she is offered Bhog or Prashad the beat is different. When it’s Aarati again the beat is different. When the last day of immersion arrives and all the married ladies bid her goodbye with Sindoor Khela the beat is different.

In certain homes, Durga Puja is held for generations. The idol is sculpted and decorated in the courtyard of the house itself. When the time comes to draw her big, beautiful eyes the ritual is known as Chakshu Daan. As the sculptor’s brush draws the eyes the beats of the Dhaak inaugurate the auspicious moment. It’s a gooseflesh inducing experience.

You can hear the Dhaak beats in this You Tube video. Dhaak is a percussion instrument which is only played during Durga Puja.

During the evenings ladies and gentlemen perform the Dhunuchi dance to please the deity. It’s a dance of devotion, surrender and ethereal joy. Again the beats of the Dhaak are an inherent part of it.

Everybody has heard about the big fat Indian wedding. The various ceremonies start days before the actual wedding. The Sangeet ceremony is one such ocassion wherein the bride’s friends, cousins and relatives sing songs and dance to tease the bride.

In Bengali weddings the plaintive tunes of a Shahnai evoke bittersweet memories and sadness of parting of the bride from the family.

During Holi, the Festival of Colours or the Spring Festival, music is a must. Folk songs along with the beats of a Dholak heighten the Bohemian spirit of the Festival.

Earlier when a son was born to a family the Dholki or the Dholak player was called to play the drum to announce the good news to the neighborhood.

On days of patriotic fervour like the Independence Day on and the Republic Day the marching bands of the Army, Navy and Airforce make us proud.

I am a Bengali. Learning music and being acquainted with Tagore songs, dance and dramas are a part of our upbringing. On Rabindranath Tagore’s Birthday, it was customary in our family to build a makeshift stage and enact the dance dramas and sing songs written and composed by the poet.

Similarly, it’s most enjoyable to watch the Bhangra and Gidda during beginning of the new harvests. Dandiya during Navaratras. Beehu during the spring season. Every part of India has specific dance and music forms which are a pleasure to watch and listen to. Our culture is so rich and full of variant flavours!

So music is inseparably interwoven in our day to day lives too. Above all the Bollywood film songs are meant for all occasions.

Our mornings begin with devotional songs, chants or Bhajans. In the mid mornings, while working I would hear mother humming or songs playing on the radio. In the evenings, during prayer times, mother used to lit the earthenware with fragrant powders and fibers and sing prayer songs doing Aarti. We would join in.

When I was learning classical music early dawn and dusk would be riyaaz time. Sometimes we would have music sittings at home. My mother would play the harmonium and we would all sing songs before the music loving guests.

I still try to carry on the legacy. When we old friends gather we sing in chorus our favourite songs. Nowadays I listen to music more than sing. A house filled with melodious notes is warm, welcoming, aesthetic and filled with positivity. Mellifluous notes uplift the spirit, keep us in touch with our heritage and power of creativity. A homestead without music is lifeless.

However, there is a difference between loud noise played on stereos in the cars or parties. Music should be soothing, calming and relaxing. It is said that a household which nurtures the spirit of various art forms is the abode Maa Saraswati, the Goddess of highest form of knowledge or Vidya, Music, Dance and all Arts.

Posted by on September 21, 2023 in Art and Art Forms and tagged , .

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September 20, 2023

Ganesh Chaturthi


How do you celebrate holidays?

Yesterday we celebrated Ganesh Chaturthi.

We have an adorable elephant headed deity called the Ganesha. He is knowledge giver, obstacle remover and harbinger of well being. Everybody wants Lord Ganesha to reside in their homes, workplaces and business centres.

Mythological Legend : Lord Ganesha was born to Lord Shiva and Goddess Gauri. However, when Gauri’s brother Shani Dev came to see the infant, the baby’s head immediately separated from the body. Shani Dev was most remorseful of his bad eye. Gauri was inconsolable. So Lord Vishnu came to her aid. He chopped off an elephant’s head and attached it to the baby’s shoulder.

The elephant head symbolises treasure of knowledge and memory. When Rishi Vyasa Dev conceived the epic Mahabharata he invited Lord Ganesha to write as he recited or narrated the verses. Ganeshji agreed but with a condition that Rishi Vyasa should not take a pause inbetween. In turn, Rishi Vyasa took a promise from Lord Ganesha that he would not write down any verse without understanding the full meaning of it.

Rishi Vyasa cleverly used such difficult expressions that during the process of writing Lord Ganesha had to stop him quite a number of times to grasp the significance of the verses. In the meanwhile, Rishi Vyasa got plenty of time to conceive the succeeding ones. So both the wise men kept their respective promises and made space for each other to create the epic.

On the fourth day (Chaturthi) of the month of Bhadrapada of the lunar calendar, Ganeshji is invited to every home with great pomp and show. His clay idol, beautifully decorated, is sat on the asana or mandapa. He resides for ten days. On the tenth day the immersion takes place. The immersion implies that He has to return again the year next and so on and so forth.

Huge clay idols of Lord Ganesha are also placed in palatial pandals for community worship where thousands of devotees visit for darshan. The most famous and biggest community worship of Ganeshji takes place in Laalbagh, Mumbai. The State of Maharashtra celebrates Ganapathi or Ganesh Festival with loads of joy and devotion. So do the other States.

Ganeshji loves sweets, especially, laddus and modaks which are offered to him. These are home made as well as store bought. The process of residing Ganeshji in the household is known as sthapana. Sthapana has to be done on Chaturthi which has its timelines.

This time the Chaturthi started in the afternoon of the 18th of September and ended at 10.54 AM of the 19th of September. I was almost ready to go to office thinking that I will do the welcoming worship in the evening. But checking with Panditji or our house priest revealed the exact timings of Chaturthi. I, therefore, took a short leave from office.

Sthapana meant cleaning the room where He will sit, decorating Him and other deities with flowers, lighting Diya and offering Bhog Prashad. I have Ganeshji’s idol as well as painting at home. He resides permanently. So, there is no immersion.

Amusing Anecdote : Every year during Chaturthi a mice always visits my household, plays around and leaves soon after. I am a bit upset that this year it never happened so. A mice is the vessel or Vahana of Lord Ganesha. The vessel of all the deities are animals and symbolic.

In the evening, I prayed and my brother-in-law played the conch. Playing the conch is very auspicious for the homestead and a great exercise for the lungs. We have a conch which is perhaps hundred years old as it is inherited from my paternal grandmother.

We do all the worship in my mother’s room so that the good vibes of the Puja or worship embrace her. Usually I have a simple Puja. But this time I made an elaborate Bhog Prashad which consisted of Jodhpuri laddus, assorted modaks and patisas or son papdi. We buy the sweetmeats from special and well known shops. Earlier I used to prepare the laddus at home for offering.

Lord Ganesha has one hundred and eight names signifying his bounties. Every pious ceremony, be it marriage or housewarming or setting up of new business, has to start with His name. There is a temple in Rajasthan where every day thousands of invitation cards and letters are received for Lord Ganesha. The temple priest opens each of them and whispers the invite in his ears for his blessings.

I played chants in the morning and evening on Chaturthi in honour of the Lord. Yesterday I distributed the bhog to all in office and at home. It was rejoice and devotion both.

Trivia : In the household and workplaces Ganesha is always worshipped in a sitting posture. In the business places a standing or dancing idol can also be placed. Ganesha, in his rudra roop or as a warrior, should never be placed at home, work or business places.

Jai Shri Ganesh

Glory to Lord Ganesha

We have a concept of Restricted Holiday which means whosoever wants can take off from Office for the occasion. I did not take a full off but celebrated the joyous occasion equally in office with my colleagues and at home with my family.

Posted by on September 20, 2023 in Celebrations and tagged , .

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September 18, 2023

Lessons In Life


Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life.

When I look back I get this inner urge to start afresh which, except time travel, is not possible. Having a clean slate to write all over again will be, I guess, everybody’s dream. But is time travel practical?

God has endowed me with His grace by giving me the power of endurance. His blessing has helped me to tide over many physical pains and mental agonies. Endurance has also let me give my adversaries innumerable opportunities to carry on their tortuous ways. At times, I feel I should have been a little less tolerant, little less patient and a little quicker to react and put a stop to the crooked ways and means of the perpetrators. But I didn’t.

It’s not to say I cannot protest and retaliate. I guess I get overwhelmed by negativity. Deep within it snatches away the power to rationalize and react. In that sense I am very receptive to negative energy which facilitates the opponents to strike again and again harder and harder.

With the amount of ill experiences that I have gathered in life I should be more equipped to deal with evil. Why I still get intimidated by them, surprised by their attacks and why not be forewarned given the intrinsic nature of evildoers I don’t know.

In contrast, I also have a very bad temper. Throughout my life I have tried to control it. Channelising emotions which are detrimental to our own selves to something constructive is very important. I don’t know whether I have been successful in this attempt or not.

I observe many contrarian forces interacting within. Endurance versus rage versus patience versus vindictiveness. Christie had once written kindness can also lead to crime. I found that baffling. I guess I should have learnt the art of forgiveness long time ago. Once forgiven forgetting the dreadful becomes easy. But as I have written earlier hatred, rather vindictiveness, has led me on in life.

Some find me overbearing. Too strong, too passionate, too obstinate to deal with. Too involved, and also too sincere. I now feel all characteristics, positive or negative, in a person in its extremities, boomerang. My over sincerity has resulted in being overburdened with work throughout. Whereas I have seen people performing less but climbing up the ladder of success by talking more about the little they did. I was always a quiet worker and lagged behind.

At the end of the day all calculations come to a naught. All regrets dissipate into nothingness. All anger seems meaningless. All attachments seem fruitless. When time comes to say goodbye what remains is repentance of not doing what one should have ideally done. Wisdom gained on hindsight. But is such wisdom of any use?

From Pexel

Posted by on September 18, 2023 in A PROTEST A LAMENT and tagged , .

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September 17, 2023

Surprise Gift


The other day my Gardner, Kamalesh, brought three grown up plants. He said they belonged to someone else in the block. They discarded the plants because their pots had broken.

The pots broke because the plants had grown bigger. They had told Kamalesh to plant them in the park. But he knew I had a few pots which were without plants.

He planted them in my little garden. I paid him a token amount in lieu of his generous gifts.

This one belongs to the palm family.

This is a chilli plant. The one above is Raat ki Raani ir the queen of the night. The flowers have an intoxicating fragrance. But their life is just for one night.

They are sturdy plants. I asked him why the owners did not retain them by planting them in bigger pots. He shrugged and did not have any answer.

I guess some people only know the monetary worth of things and not their intrinsic value.

Posted by on September 17, 2023 in My Garden and tagged , , , .

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September 16, 2023

Walk ? Run ? Walk ?


Run????

😁😁😁🤭

How often do you walk or run?

What’s that???

Walk????

Once upon a time I used to go for regular morning walks. It helped me reduce. Though slowly. I was never a brisk walker.

But now my legs ache being out of practice and due to Vitamin D deficiency. All office workers are deficient in that respect says the physician. So take the pills. Perhaps post retirement…

Now ! Now! I have got into this habit of shelving everything for my second innings. But who knows how will be that afterlife? Will I be the opening batsman? The fast pace bowler? The wicket dropping fielder? Or the extra one waiting for his turn?

I am in the mind warp that everything will be okay once I retire. My routine will be set. I will have a sedentary lifestyle. Take regular walks, enjoy a hearty breakfast, finish all incomplete readings, perhaps join a course, spend more time at home, have an orderly life, make friends with a few neighbours who are now absolute strangers.

Oh! That brings me to talking to strangers. It’s kind of fun. You unburden yourself without hesitation because you don’t know them and they don’t know you. They listen to you for their own amusement. May be. You keep on letting out your steam because you are a long boiling kettle inside.

But I don’t have the habit of talking to strangers. ‘Course I do have a shrink! In our society that’s a taboo. Those who do are considered nothing less than a lunatic.

Yet, I do. He is a young chap who listens to me quietly and keeps on smiling. I confide my woes, then I tell him what I think of those woes and thereafter I conclude that medicine is not the remedy for such woes and that I have to cope with them in my own way. After that half an hour long soliloquy I ask him whether I have taken the correct decision. He agrees with me wholeheartedly. Prescribes me two medicines and takes his fees.

Today I told him how my over competitive boss gives me a headache. How I am still not able to detach myself from my work. How I wish I did not have to go to office regularly. How indecisive I am about approaching my HOD to talk about my boss. How medicines cannot cure this ailment and how I have to figure out my own coping mechanism. Then nearing the end of the session I ask him, “Should I approach my HOD about the daily torture I am going through?” “Of course not! ” Says he, “Why do you want to be the bad ‘un before leaving the Organisation?” I think he is great and spoken what I wish to hear.

As I walk out of the clinic I feel that throbbing sensation at the back of my head. Reliving the agonies have opened the wounds wider and again made them real and alive.

I guess it’s better to take a walk tomorrow morning, breathe deeply the fresh air, be close to nature and forget all about the what ifs of the day next.

It’s been drizzling throughout.

Tomorrow can be another day..

Let’s see how I feel about walking tomorrow.

Walking in the rains.

Perhaps it will wash away all that is malignantly growing inside me.

I shall make my pace sedate….trot a little ….jog a while ….run… run…..and run away from all….. yesterday….today… tomorrow.

Walk……….

Run…………

Walk………

Posted by on September 16, 2023 in A PROTEST A LAMENT and tagged , .

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September 15, 2023

Leadership Skill


Do you see yourself as a leader?

Who is a leader?

The one who leads.

In that sense, the concept of leadership can be employed in all spheres of life in addition to the corporate sector.

Leadership is a managerial skill. If you are leading a community program you are also a leader. If you are playing a leading role in charity, you are no less than a leader.

A leader is known by certain abilities. He or she should have the capability to deliver the goods even in unfavorable circumstances. For that he/ she has to inspire and influence the group he/she is leading to achieve the set goals. He/she should also stand by his/her subordinates through thick and thin.

There are many types of leaders and many types of leadership skills – aggressive, passive, collaborative and dictatorial.

The most important skill of a leader is to motivate his/her subordinates to work. Different leaders employ different managerial techniques to get work done. The negative ways of getting work done are pressurising, creating an atmosphere of oppression, fear of punishment, being an exacting task master.

The positive way of getting work done is to create willingness in the subordinates to do the work for the leader. This is not easy though it may seem so. All workers do not have the same capabilities. The leader, therefore, has to gauge the individual potentials of the group. Analyse who is lacking where and why. Constantly buck up the person who is lagging behind. Incentivise the achievements. Incentives do not always mean monetary reward. Recognition, appreciation, delegation of responsibilities to the worthy and ensuring a conducive environment wherein smooth and seamless execution of job is made possible and satisfaction from accomplishing the job is heightened.

When I was transferred to my present place of posting, I was assigned a subordinate who was much older to me and represented the Union of Workers. He was critical of officers, outspoken and branded as a non performer. I was told not to expect any output from him. His association with me was just a paper formality.

He being more experienced in terms of age refused to acknowledge me as his boss. Moreover, taking instructions from a lady officer hurt his male ego.

I was intrigued by his personality. His sarcasm and scepticism towards all and sundry. Gradually, I tried to break the ice by having informal chitchats with him outside work. Soon I learnt of his bad experience with another lady officer in the past. It was now upon me to instill faith in him that I was not like his previous boss. It took time and a lot of efforts but at last I succeeded not only to get optimal work out of him but also make him willing to shoulder greater responsibilities. However, to give the devil his due, he was very keen on learning and showing his peers that he could compete with them. Otherwise it would have been more difficult to channelise him towards work.

He was with me for twelve years and able to handle my jobs in my absence efficiently. The only constraint was he refused to work under anyone else. As a result, my work profile got restricted and stagnant. Every situation has its pluses and minuses. We still have cordial relation and he makes it a point to stay in touch..

I feel very happy that I was able to pull him out of a state of self deprecation and low spirit and help him scale a level where he graduated from a trouble maker into a trouble shooter.

In that sense, I consider myself a leader who is able to help others realize their full potential and deliver jobs they are considered unfit for. It is like giving a new direction and perspective to people. Up their self esteem and make them proud of themselves.

As a leader I feel fulfilled, happy and proud in the well being of my subordinate. If I have to assess myself on leadership scale I will say I am not a credit seeking leader. I am a credit giving leader because it is on account of the outstanding performance of my subordinate that I stand tall as an achiever and milestone maker.

Posted by on September 15, 2023 in DOWN MEMORY LANE, OF HUMAN QUEST, OPINION and tagged , .

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September 14, 2023

My Favourite Words – II


Daily writing prompt
What’s your favorite word?
View all responses

Since I ended the earlier post on untranslatable words of different languages, here are some interesting ones from Japanese. I became interested in this language because of its mystique beauty and my love for haiku. So here they are :

Yugen

“Profound and mysterious beauty.”

Natsukashii

“Bringing forth happy, poignant memories of the past.”  

Kintsugi

“The art of broken things.”  

Wabi-sabi

“Imperfect beauty.”

Komorebi

“Dappled sunlight filtered through tree leaves.”

Ikigai

“A reason for being.”

Mono-No-Aware

“The poignant sadness of impermanent things.”

Mamori Tai

“I will always protect you.”

Itadakimasu

“I humbly receive.”

Shinrin-yoku

“Forest bathing.”

Kogarashi

“Wintry wind.”

Furusato

“One’s hometown.”

Ukiyo

“Floating world.”

Ichi-go ichi-e

“Treasuring an unrepeatable moment.“

Fuubutsushi

“Things which remind of a season.”

Koi no yokan

“A premonition of love.”

Kuidaore

“To eat until you’re bankrupt.” .

Kanbina

“A word that sounds sweet and pleasant to the ear.”

Kimyou

“Strange, odd and/or mysterious.”

Hanagasumi

“A mist of flowers.”  An image that appears like a haze of white and pink. 

Tell me which ones do you like the most.

Posted by on September 14, 2023 in Words and tagged , .

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September 14, 2023

My Favourite Words – I


What’s your favorite word?

I always say words are beautiful. I not only love words but also their etymology.

I guess the most beautiful words in any vocabulary are Mother and father. When a baby first lisps the word Maa it’s a moment of profound happiness and pride for the parents.

Love is another word which is getting erased not from our language but from our hearts. We are so hell bent on being competitive, ambitious and rivalry conscious that we are forgetting the softer sensibilities which bind us as humans since time immemorial.

Compassion is another word which should be like an every day reminder. We should not only be compassionate to human beings but all living creatures, nature and mother earth. If we recall this word on daily basis perhaps we will be a little more alert about our role in conservation and preservation of our flora and fauna and natural resources and perceive our fellow beings in the light of universal brotherhood.

Ethics is a word which conveys the highest value. It has also become the core tenet of corporate governance and business transactions. In addition, it is an approach , a mindset and a way of perception of life itself which enriches, enlightens and elevates mankind to another level. Ethics is just not a word but an entire cultural ethos.

Melody, we all know, is musical. The Universe is replete with melodious notes. It is human limitation that we can only sing on seven distinctive notes. But in the ever expanding realm of divine creation music is infinite.

Beauty is a boon endowed on us by God. Humans are the only beings who can perceive and appreciate beauty of creativity. It is utmost important that we hold on to this ability of ours to acknowledge the bounties by which we are blessed , perceive God’s handiwork in the littlest of objects and solemnly pledge not to let it be destroyed by callous hands.

Nurture is a word which symbolises growth and development. A mother nurtures a family. It is our duty to nurture mother Earth and it’s treasures.

Cosmos is what we are part of. It is a word which is difficult to visualise. Have we been able to imagine the vastness associated with the word we would have realised how miniscule are we and how our conceit as the most superior being is so false and foolish.

Happiness is what we all crave for. We look for it outside but it resides within. A contented person is always happy. A disgruntled person is always unhappy. Contentment is in our hands. It is not possible to own the world. Whatever has come our way we deserve that much only. So don’t worry be happy.

Soul is such a beatific expression. “She is my soul mate”. “I see his soul in his eyes.” ” My soul is free.” So many connotations of a single word! Soul is like a mirror in which you see your true self. Soul is a bond which connects you to others. Soul is freedom. Uplifting! Immortal! “Soul marches on”, says Swami Yoganandaji even if one is not aware of it. It is evolving in its spectral journey.

Ephemeral is a word which depicts the fragility and transience of everything. Every moment is whimsical and flies away in a nano second. We cannot cling to it. But we cling to its memories.

Epiphany is the awareness of the larger picture which is eclipsed by clutter. When we experience it we get goosebumps. It reveals to us the enormity of what is beyond our vision, what is not easily unraveled, what we call the lifetime’s revelation. Epiphanic moments are the aha factors of life. The serendipitous awakening which leaves us awestruck and dumbfounded.

It is hard to choose a word that is most favourite. To a writer all words are like his/her children. Can a parent dissociate from one and get connected to another offspring. Not possible.

It is relevant to mention that words become meaningful when they are understood as expressions defining thoughts or actions. Word gathers depth when we consider it as just not a conjugation of letters but what it is supposed connote for the society and human civilization at large.

And above all, we are here talking only about one particular language -English. It is necessary to keep in mind that there are innumerable other languages and dialects having such words which are deeply embedded in respective cultures and even untranslatable. They have their own beauty, significance and depth of meaning.

Let’s not be constrained only by one language.

Let’s respect all languages equally.

Posted by on September 14, 2023 in MUSINGS and tagged , .

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September 13, 2023

Being Lazy


What are you doing this evening?

After more than seven and a half hours of desk job and one and quarter hours of commuting one side (two and a half hours both ways) , I am not left with much energy to do work outs or play games after returning home in the evenings. Though it may be good for physical and mental health.

I usually laze around and chit chat with mother, find out from her caregiver, Monica, how she has been keeping during the day and if need be have a WhatsApp chat with her physician for change of medicine, if any.

As soon as I get off the car the strays greet me in their usual playful way. Next is the turn of my pet who has to be pacified with a dog biscuit and some cuddling.

Over a cup of chai I have a chat with my sister. Monica then fills me in about mother and what more has happened at home during my absence. Sometimes I have to catch up with relatives and friends over phone as all are scattered far and wide.

At times I watch TV for sometime with mother till she falls asleep. On others arranging the necessities of the household takes priority.

Post dinner I do a little bit of reading before retiring to bed. Earlier I used to pile up a lot of work for weekends. Now I follow the CANI principle, that is, Constant And Neverending Improvement. It’s a management technique which can be applied very effectively for household as well.

Instead of postponing the must-dos I break them up in tiny bits spreading them over the week so that by the weekend quite a bit is done and only the balance remains to be finished.

By this way work does not accumulate and the number of chores to be done stops being a time consuming task.

Applying CANI, I keep doing little bit of house management in the evenings so as to minimize workload by the end of the week

I lead an ordinary life. So my routine is also not much to write home about. I avoid going out on week days. Wading through traffic is a major issue. Also I believe one must prioritise work as per importance and urgency. Outdoor activities, like shopping, get togethers, partying with friends etc., therefore, come last in the list.

I do like to listen to motivational and spiritual talks before calling it a day. But often exhaustion takes over midway shutting off the world. When I am too disturbed I put on meditational music to give rest to the brain. An overactive brain is as devilish as an idle one. It is not always that when we sleep the brain also rests. To calm it down some basic inputs are required – (i) listening to spiritual healers who can tranquilize the constant chatter inside, (ii) playing devotional or instrumental music which soothes jarred nerves and (iii) reading light books to take mind off chaos.

The other day I read an article in the papers on kidulting – a term that has come up post Corona. I realize that I have been often unknowingly doing that in the evenings – indulging in activities meant for kids!!

I often watch Tom and Jerry just to have a good laugh. I love watching The Adventures Of Tintin. I doodle knowing very well I am bad at it. But these kid stuffs are therapeutic, exhilarating, help re-connect with the child inside me and makes me happy and de-stressed. So does watching mindless entertainers like slapstick comedies. Recreating the nostalgic past is medicinal and somehow comforting.

It is not that every evening I get time for everything. Somedays I do have to rush back home to cook dinner. Somedays an overwhelming lack of excitement in life incites madness – like a sudden bout of shopping spree online or ordering something exotic to eat through Zomato or Swiggy. Is splurging money also cathartic??? Wonder!!!!

Sometimes I let go the schedule and binge on a thriller through the night. Variety is the spice of life. If you don’t have an adventurous, adrenaline surging existence create your own adventures to kill the boredom of daily rut.

That’s the way I enjoy life. Hope you do too.

Good night!!!

Pic from Pinterest

Posted by on September 13, 2023 in Entertainment and tagged , .

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September 12, 2023

The Abuse


What personality trait in people raises a red flag with you?

Well, for me the first impression is the last impression. It’s instinctive, intuitive and usually correct.

I may be friendly with all but open up in selective company. I take an instant dislike to show- offs. Being down to earth I jell well with those who are genuine and humble.

I maintain a safe distance from gossip mongers and trouble makers and feel a sort of kinship with those who have been hardened by life. One has so much to learn from them!

While choice of company is purely personal preference based, yet it’s not uncommon to be cheated and befooled smarting throughout life from the bad experience. Humans are an unpredictable lot driven by selfishness.

Also at times we make terrible mistakes in figuring out the ulterior motives of nasty people. They are such cunning actors!

Professional jealousy is another very deluding factor. It’s very hard to make out who is your well-wisher. I have learnt not to help anyone unless it is categorically asked for. Sounds odd! Life does rob your innocence of thoughts and deeds by thrusting upon you those who are not worthy of kindness.

Sometimes you don’t even know how the other person is taking your goodness ! You mean well but you are not understood in the right spirit. My policy is to move away from such crooked, complicated and negative people who cannot take anyone on face value.

All these outbursts result from very hurtful incidents not quite long ago.

I joined my present Department in 2008. With me there was a new recruit and a female transferee officer. Since the latter was from the same part of the country as me, it was but natural that the Department thought we would bond well. But from the very beginning, I found her very erratic and at times unapproachable. Since, she was much younger to me and just out of an abusive relationship, I attributed the odd behaviour to her past.

We were lunch partners.. She was the sole bread earner of the family. I felt sorry for her though she was rude, tactless and at times clearly vindictive. Soon I understood that she ignored good advice and hooked up easily with the generally unlikeable ones.

As a result of a few traumatic experiences including her father’s death she became highly disturbed. We were sympathetic and advised her to take medical help. But she was not agreeable to it.

Soon after she developed a weird tendency of mumbling under her breath. For me it was the most painful half an hour of lunch listening to her continuously chant to be saved from the devil. It seemed as though I was perhaps the one she needed protection from.

Tormented I sought advice from my physician who told to maintain distance from her. So did my sister and spiritual mentor. But I just couldn’t tell her off and continued to be tortured.

In due course, to keep her busy, some part of my job was offloaded to her. However, I was told to closely supervise so that the work got done on time. I guess she must be resenting it. One fine day she complained to the bosses that a conspiracy was brewing against her of which I was the mastermind.

It was obvious that she was not in her right senses. Yet she tried her best to poison the superiors against me. When I confronted her she said she was “seeking the truth”. Just imagine !!

Thereafter, it became all the more difficult for me to have rapport with her. Soon after work from home started due to COVID-19 and I was spared of her company.

The elders say an empty shed is better than having unmanageable cattle. Similarly, to deal with a known enemy is better than relying on a disloyal friend. I recounted this long story not to rant but to highlight that it’s not always easy to raise the red flag in any relationship – personal or professional. If it were so, cases of domestic violence, date rapes, marital rapes, abusive relationships would not be mounting.

Posted by on September 12, 2023 in A PROTEST A LAMENT and tagged , .

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