The Abuse

Well, for me the first impression is the last impression. It’s instinctive, intuitive and usually correct.

I may be friendly with all but open up in selective company. I take an instant dislike to show- offs. Being down to earth I jell well with those who are genuine and humble.

I maintain a safe distance from gossip mongers and trouble makers and feel a sort of kinship with those who have been hardened by life. One has so much to learn from them!

While choice of company is purely personal preference based, yet it’s not uncommon to be cheated and befooled smarting throughout life from the bad experience. Humans are an unpredictable lot driven by selfishness.

Also at times we make terrible mistakes in figuring out the ulterior motives of nasty people. They are such cunning actors!

Professional jealousy is another very deluding factor. It’s very hard to make out who is your well-wisher. I have learnt not to help anyone unless it is categorically asked for. Sounds odd! Life does rob your innocence of thoughts and deeds by thrusting upon you those who are not worthy of kindness.

Sometimes you don’t even know how the other person is taking your goodness ! You mean well but you are not understood in the right spirit. My policy is to move away from such crooked, complicated and negative people who cannot take anyone on face value.

All these outbursts result from very hurtful incidents not quite long ago.

I joined my present Department in 2008. With me there was a new recruit and a female transferee officer. Since the latter was from the same part of the country as me, it was but natural that the Department thought we would bond well. But from the very beginning, I found her very erratic and at times unapproachable. Since, she was much younger to me and just out of an abusive relationship, I attributed the odd behaviour to her past.

We were lunch partners.. She was the sole bread earner of the family. I felt sorry for her though she was rude, tactless and at times clearly vindictive. Soon I understood that she ignored good advice and hooked up easily with the generally unlikeable ones.

As a result of a few traumatic experiences including her father’s death she became highly disturbed. We were sympathetic and advised her to take medical help. But she was not agreeable to it.

Soon after she developed a weird tendency of mumbling under her breath. For me it was the most painful half an hour of lunch listening to her continuously chant to be saved from the devil. It seemed as though I was perhaps the one she needed protection from.

Tormented I sought advice from my physician who told to maintain distance from her. So did my sister and spiritual mentor. But I just couldn’t tell her off and continued to be tortured.

In due course, to keep her busy, some part of my job was offloaded to her. However, I was told to closely supervise so that the work got done on time. I guess she must be resenting it. One fine day she complained to the bosses that a conspiracy was brewing against her of which I was the mastermind.

It was obvious that she was not in her right senses. Yet she tried her best to poison the superiors against me. When I confronted her she said she was “seeking the truth”. Just imagine !!

Thereafter, it became all the more difficult for me to have rapport with her. Soon after work from home started due to COVID-19 and I was spared of her company.

The elders say an empty shed is better than having unmanageable cattle. Similarly, to deal with a known enemy is better than relying on a disloyal friend. I recounted this long story not to rant but to highlight that it’s not always easy to raise the red flag in any relationship – personal or professional. If it were so, cases of domestic violence, date rapes, marital rapes, abusive relationships would not be mounting.