panaecea

As a child my exposure to the world was through books and radio. The internet was unheard of. We did not have a TV at home. Listening to the radio was a family affair. Access to books was through public libraries visited either with mother or with my elder sister.

At home too we had a wide collection of books on various subjects. A few of them were out of bounds because those were certified for adults only. The things which are prohibited have a fatal attraction. It’s these adult books that made me the most curious. What was written inside them? Why was I not allowed to read them? How could I lay my hands on them? Why are they for adults only? Very natural questions for a young growing mind.

At school, my classmates often talked about certain inaccessible books in whispers. That piqued my curiosity more. It was in the lazy afternoons when mother slept that I noiselessly took these books out to browse through. Some held my attention instantly. Some I couldn’t follow much. Some were left unfinished because mother somehow came to know about my trespass. But she never scolded me for encroaching into forbidden territory. Most probably she thought I would not fully understand what was written in there. Or perhaps that I should not be prevented from satisfying my curiosity.

The first adult stuff that I read to the finish was a Bengali novel called “Tamoshi” referring to a dark, gloomy night, written by Jarasandho which was later made into a much acclaimed Hindi movie by the name “Bandini” directed by the well known Bimal Roy. The movie had a powerful star cast and timeless music.

Jarasandho was the pen name of the author Charu Chandra Chakraborty. He was a Jail Superintendent by profession. All his novels were prison stories inspired by the  actual characters or prisoners he came across in his professional life. Tamoshi was the story of one such female prisoner.

What fascinated me was the author’s pseudonym Jarasandho or Jarasandha, having  mythological roots. In the epic Mahabharata. Jarasandha was the king of Magadha and the father-in-law of the demonic king Kansa of Mathura. Krishna killed Kansa and incurred Jarasandha’s lifelong enmity. 

Jarasandha was born in two separate halves  to two queens of King Brihadratha. A Rakshasi (demoness) named Jara joined the two halves together bringing him to life.

He was invincible because his body could magically re-join if torn. Krishna was aware of this. He advised the Pandava Prince Bhima, during a wrestling duel, to tear Jarasandha’s body in half and throw the pieces in opposite directions so that they could never get connected again. That is how Jarasandha met his end. 

I wondered what made the author adopt this pseudonym maybe because he himself had two identities – one professional and the other as an author and both conjoined to produce literary masterpieces (?!)

Another book that I read under a torchlight inside a rajai (quilt) was Sharat Chandra Chattopadhyay’s controversial novel “Charitraheen” meaning characterless. The title of the book attracted me. Unfortunately, I couldn’t finish reading this book as mother returned it to the library too soon perhaps to make it unavailable to me.

However, one thing that escaped me was why these books were meant for adults only. There were no explicit descriptions which could tarnish the imagination of an underage reader. The language flowed beautifully as did the narrative. The writing was heavily nuanced and sometimes went beyond a child’s comprehension. Then why was I debarred from reading them?

In those days man woman relationship was a hush hush matter.  Stories built around themes of love, betrayal, sacrifice, marriage, heartbreaks, crimes of passion, hard hitting realities and such other were prohibited readings for children. In Tamoshi the protagonist falls in love with a revolutionary who breaks her heart which eventually leads her to a crime of passion.  Charitraheen also, among other parallel narratives, deals with the adoration of a widowed woman for a man.

My irresistible curiosity for these classics perhaps stemmed from the notion that by reading them I would be able to graduate into an adult swiftly.

The very fact that nobody stopped or reprimanded me for these secret indulgences enabled my unbound curiosity to fizzle out after a while.

Have you as a child ever sneaked through forbidden grounds ?

Let me know in the comments below.

This post is part of Blogchatter’s Half Marathon 2026