I was always more comfortable working with male colleagues and bosses. Not that they were flawless but I could find a point of intersection where appealing to their logic and rationale became easier. However, this was not so with female colleagues, especially, bosses who, I felt, deployed their ‘sense of being a woman’ and hyper emotionalism, (rather than pure intellect), into every equation complicating matters.
Early in my career I had a lady as my immediate reporting officer who had come to be instated in the office on compassionate grounds. However, in her case, I felt, the ‘compassion’ was totally displaced. She hailed from a politically influential family. There was no dearth of money or connection. Her husband used to be one of the top guns in the office until he met an untimely end due to cardiac issue. She was then given a job in the middle management to perhaps facilitate getting over the emotional loss.
Needless, to say she had easy access to the top management with whom she had once hobnobbed when her husband was alive. Personally, I felt she misused her early widowhood as and when she felt like, more so, when in a tight spot. She could start sobbing at the drop of a hat. Her public display of anguish was at first apalling. As I got used to her I realised how tears could be weaponised.
At the same time she was intelligent and cunning. I relied on her for the interpretation of policy matters, which she was quite good at, though heavily pro management. Outwardly she was very sweet to me and appreciated my work. But shrewdness coupled with a manipulative nature was a deadly combination. Also, being one of the entitled classes, she was apt in flaunting her supremacy , covertly as well as overtly, in front of those whom she considered down the rung of the social ladder. More notoriously, she was (in)famous for shoving the entire blame on her subordinates, when cornered, to save her own skin. I was no exception in this charade. She lacked the basic tenets of ownership though in a position of leadership. I was too naive, at that point of time, to realise that this was a burning example of blatant abuse of power and position by a woman who had actually usurped a job which, if offered to a needy and better qualified person, could have been a decent source of living.
Somewhere in the middle of my career, I had to report to another lady officer who had climbed up the hierarchy in no time. By her own confession, the job was ‘fun’ for her. While she formally executed her assignments I had to complete the supporting paperwork for her as per the express order of the HOD. According to protocol, faced with a bottleneck, I had to first report a matter to her. On more than one occasion, she either dilly dallied or did not consider it important enough to take immediate action. Since, time was the essence in my work area, I had to seek my HOD’s advice quite often bypassing her. He , in turn, being fully aware of the urgency of the situation, never dissuaded me from directly approaching him. She was, as such, a happy go lucky sort of a person but I guess instigated by the coterie of (female) peers she would occasionally raise objection to the fact that I did not keep her in the loop. Not that it made much of a difference but in the Public Sector adherence to hierarchy most times took undue precedence over timely implementation delaying result.
In the final leg of my professional journey, my HOD again happened to be a lady who broke the jinx. She was a tough task master but at the same time understanding and compassionate. The kind of support I received from her during my mother’s prolonged illness, especially, during the lockdown, indebted me to her forever. Apart from being a stickler for results and discipline what I admired in her was her thirst for knowledge, composure and calm dignity with which she dealt with her adversaries even when they openly misbehaved with her. If only I could inculcate even an ounce of her capacity for tolerance!! Not that she pampered me or heeded every request I made to her. But her appreciation of my work was a big boost to my self esteem, which was time and again, thwarted by callous superiors. I am still in touch with her and know that she will always be there to give me sound advice and guidance whenever required.
I had learnt the hard way not to voice my personal opinion in the office which was prone to be misconstrued in no time. However, in the last few years, when I had voiced my reservations regarding working with female colleagues and bosses to my immediate superior, with whom I had a great working rapport, the instant reply was, “How could you say that being a woman yourself!!” I feared that he might have concluded that the problem lay with me and not the other way round.
Professional qualifications aside, we bring forth to the work table, ages of cultural beliefs, values and opinions which are kind of genetically embedded in our DNA. It is at times quite impossible to see through these opaque thought structures and assess the gross realities of day to day executional interactions as they are. And with the passage of time, it is this way that perhaps taboos in the workplace take birth and perpetuate.
There is no perfect leader or manager, but I think women are just more soft, and the vibes are different compared to men’s higher-ups.
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No there are not. I am just sharing my personal experience. And also how I look at it when women bring that third dimension of being a woman into the work matrix.Thus is a POV of a person who had unfailing faith in career progression predominantly on merit.
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You’re right that there are good women bosses and then the not so good ones. We expect men to be more rational. Thanks for giving us a glimpse into your career.
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Thank you Sadje for understanding my perspective.
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My husband was secretary education and most of the employees were women so he saw it first hand.
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I can imagine…but then there can be many efficient and balanced female workers as well. The examples I have given are extremes. It was my bad luck that I had to deal with them and consequently suffer. But again my former HOD is the example of a good lady boss. All kinds make this world.
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Very true Geeta. Stereotyping is not just. Like I know many doctor friends who are great administrators and physicians too.
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An insightful reminder that competence, compassion, and accountability have no gender. ✨
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Thank you Rajeshwari. You are correct in saying that the work delivered should not be subjective. But humans are the most unpredictable force in the work field lacking objectiveness and neutrality.
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I’ve had a mixed experience – good and bad female bosses. Thank you for sharing yours.
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Yes, a bad experience should be offset by a good experience. Otherwise, we tend to generalize which is wrong. Moreover, no boss is tailor made. We have to accept them as they are with their mindsets and cultural background.
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That’s very true.
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Thought-provoking and candid insights, Geetaji. True leadership is defined by character, not gender.🌷
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Mahananda, flawless leadership is always hard to find. Thanks for being here and sharing your views.
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Women, who know their work,neither weaponize tears nor play emotional cards no matter whether they are working as bosses or subordinates.
And of course it is the upbringing,the moral and social values which a person whether boss or subordinate displays in the office.
I have worked as both subordinate and boss ,and have met the best and the worst people.As a boss,I focused more on professional capabilities than on “emotional dramas”
Thanks for this insightful reminder
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I agree with you wholeheartedly Nusrat. Especially, women who solely depend on their own merit never need such tropes.
Work is not seen by everyone the same way. To some it’s just a means to acquire a position of consequence and wield power. Those who revere work just for the sake of work conduct themselves in an exemplary fashion motivating others. Those who have hidden agendas, an air of ungainly sense of superiority and only economic benefits in mind manifest a pattern of behavior that is not in sync with good managerial abilities.
Thanks for your visit and views.
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In my Social Work experience the women tended to be more compassionate and empathic bosses
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Women can be very good workers as well. I speak from my experience.
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Yes
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Such an interesting account of some of the higher ups you had over the years. Like Hazel said in the comments, there is no perfect manager. Each has different approaches. Like you said, some can weaponise their situations around the workplace and skirt around ownership, while there are others who see things objectively and recognise priorities. You can strive to meet your colleagues in the middle but sometimes it really can be challenging – people can feel different things are important. Work is a big part of many of our lives and no surprise the kind of people we work with can have a big impact on out well-being.
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Yes, Mabel. You are right dear friend. Everyone has a different concept about work and seldom it’s for the sake of work alone.
Also, as I said, the socio-cultural milieu, they come from not only gets manifest in their actions but also has great impact on boss subordinate relationship.
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For some, work is a way of life. It matters to them a great deal – giving them a sense of purpose. Getting along with those you work with generally makes for a better working environment.
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Workplace relationships can be ones we need to navigate cautiously. It sounds as if you learned how to do that well, Geeta.
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Learnt the hard way, Mary, after a lot of mistakes 😞
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Somewomen can be a nightmare to work with! I’ve experienced it before! xo
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Yes, you are right. And you carry that nightmare through life
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