It’s good to be kind and sincere. But do sincerity and kindness always pay ?
My sincerity at work became my greatest drawback. I was overloaded with assignments and left to fend for myself. Most times kindness is taken for foolishness as well. I have been fleeced a number of times by those to whom I have been kind. But this post is not about me.
I have a house help who has been working for me for many years. She has three daughters and a drunkard, good for nothing husband. Often when she got stuck in traffic her daughter would call me to find out whether her mother had left for home on time. I thought a mobile would be useful for her as a handy means of communication with her family in such times. So I got her one. She was very happy.
However, she wouldn’t use it. First , recharge was an issue. Then she didn’t know how to make or receive calls. Finally, when she got the hang of it she would invariably leave it at home or in some other householder’s where she worked. A month or so later she told me the mobile had conked off which I didn’t believe.
My sister too had a similar experience when she gave a mobile to her house help. She gave it promptly to her son who after a few days sold it off for quick money. I have doubts that my house help also did the same with hers.
Now, she once again has a mobile but most times it’s not recharged. The day before yesterday, late evening I again received a call from her daughter who was desperately trying to locate her as she had still not reached home. Just figure that out.
On another instance, I found that my house help was having difficulty in chopping vegetables. The utensils were not getting cleaned properly. I gathered she had some eye sight problem. I got her a pair of spectacles made after a thorough eye check up. Her work improved though she felt shy using it. She would wear it at work but take it off when leaving for home. After a while she stopped using it at all. On probing I learnt that using spectacles was a taboo in their society.
Another instance with one of my mother’s attendants – an extremely fashion conscious person. A mother of two children she decked up like a young teenager. Nothing wrong with that though sometimes her choice of dress on duty made me a little uncomfortable. But one day I overheard telling someone over the phone that she did not have enough money to pay her insurance premium. This after regular visits to the beauty parlour and getting her hair straightened and coloured which I know cost a bomb.
Having closely observed the house helps and attendants over a period of time I can say that they don’t earn less given their standards of living and the fact that all the members of the family are usually working. However, they don’t spend well. Nor do they have the concept of saving well for a red letter day. In times of exigency I have seen them borrowing huge sums of money on high interest which they then pay off in instalments from their regular earnings. Sometimes , under pressure, they take an additional loan to pay off the previous loans.
There are so many temptations in a consumer society that it’s hard not to get beguiled. A sense of competition and to raise the lifestyle bar, an outcome of greater exposure via social media and OTT, they do expend in an unplanned and impulsive manner. That is why their income, though substantial, is never enough. Add to it the absence of family planning, social obligations, lack of education and awareness where it is rightly required and financial and technological illiteracy.
Well, I started this post on kindness but being kind to persons with lack of proper understanding and guidance can really boomerang. Guess, we have to start from somewhere else rather than merely materially equipping them. And that is the most difficult part because to change the mindset not only requires time and patience but also prolonged efforts to make inroad into a zone where the light of practical knowledge and pragmatic thinking has not entered for ages.
I can see the same stories in my neighbours, honestly. Getting loans to pay the previous loans. And the rich lifestyle that didn’t fit the earnings.
I hope we spend well every time, but even me, I’m spoiled to my animals. I don’t even know if I’m good enough at handling money.
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Hazel, I can appreciate your experiences and challenges. You may not be so savvy with money but I don’t think you are a person who will overspend or squander money.
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Thanks, gc. I try to save at least.
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You have had some disappointing experiences
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Disappointed not because I incurred expenditure but because it did not bring forth desired results.
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Kindness should be guided by wisdom. Giving someone a tool is easy; helping them understand its value is the real challenge.
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Yes, you are correct, Rajeshwari. I have said the same thing in my post.
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We all have different priorities and ways of looking at life. From your perspective, your actions were guided by care and responsibility, so it’s understandable to feel disappointed when the help offered appears wasted.
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Yes, I also used to think that my house help’s priorities are different. But when her own safety and security are at stake I guess she needs to shift her priorities as well.
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Here most people, what ever their economic status is, have at least one mobile. But when they don’t come to work, the mobile is switched off.
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😆😆
So they know how to misuse the device.
Here too every house help has a mobile. My house help is an exception and no amount of advice can make her see sense. Even her daughter feels that she should keep her mobile charged. But she keeps on postponing it. The problem is that she refuses to understand the necessity of a well charged communication device.
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She is definitely a minority. In today’s world, a phone is very essential.
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Yes, it is. A phone properly charged. I agree.
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Very true. 🥰
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A thoughtful and balanced reflection.
Your examples beautifully highlight that kindness alone is not always enough; it must often be accompanied by awareness, education, and responsibility. Material help can solve an immediate problem, but lasting change comes from changing habits, perspectives, and decision-making. Compassion is valuable, but empowering people to help themselves is perhaps the greater kindness. 🙏
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Vijayji,
You have understood the crux of the post and put it forth so well in your comment. My respect. Having said that I would reiterate that empowering people is not easy though desirable. Unless and until the seed of change is embedded within no amount of external endeavour can help. That internal seed can be blown in by way of experience, realisation or revelation. Only time can tell. Till then we can only try.
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I have observed Geetaji ,unless and until these people are ready to bring the changes in their lives,no amount of money you help them with can actually be useful to them.
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You are absolutely correct Nusrat. It’s difficult to break the wall…
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Hi Geeta – I agree with the mindset info and your examples are good – and how generous you are
this post reminds me of Ruby Payne and her research about “the framework of understanding poverty” and one example she gave was knoiwng how to help people acorrding to their actual needs and what they value at the time or would use.She gave an example of a lady the church was tryign to help. They chipped in and bought her a car.
She told them that was likely not the best gift for her. They did it anyway and she sold it a month later.
The lady would have been better off with bus tokens, a new tote, and stuff like that. They were trying to morph a life for her – and a car was not at all what she needed.
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anyjow, the culture or BUY BUY BUY does make me sick – and we can all get caught up into various consumer traps – etc
such a good post to ponder much
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Hullo Yvette…It’s a pleasure to read your elaborate comment. I am surprised how the behaviour of a certain segment of society is global and not limited to a particular society. From the instance that you have quoted and from my experience I can safely infer that most of their priorities are misplaced and require serious review. But this review cannot be effective if it is external or being done by those who do not belong to that milieu. It has to be from within or from one of their own who can influence them appropriately.
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🙂
well said – and it sure is a layered topic.
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and in the case of Ruby Payne – her research originally was for teachers and how they can understand the framework of poverty in order to meet student needs better.
For example, in certain family dynamics, the homework does not get done at home and even the parental support shifts.
She has an example of certain families, often low income in certain areas, where the teacher goes to the parent about the student, “Johnny is not sitting in class and has not done his work” and the family dynamic is to “spank, forgive, and feed”
Like, “Johnny, you not doing your work and now you are punished ” (spanking) then “Come here my son, ya know I love ya and now be good at school” and then “got get your dinner and ….”
but there is no behavior change and no problem addressed
that cycle – punish forgive and feed – then send back to school is what some teachers have to work with
SO! There new plan is to not try and have the parent get the homeowrk done – instead, they might offer an after school tutor – of course still involve the parent – but have the right approach in the classroom too
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anyhow – such a great topic in your post Geeta
xxx
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Thanks Yvette. During my college days I used to give tuition to two kids whose parents were illiterate but they wanted to educate their children. However, if children don’t have an atmosphere of reading and studying at home, i.e., seeing their parents do so, it’s difficult to inculcate these habits in them.
Thank you once again for this discussion and taking so much interest in my post. It encourages me to write more.
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you have such a heart for people, Geeta
xxx
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Oh Yvette! You make me blush. I belong to a society where people now have purchasing power but not that much awareness to rightly use it. Moreover, welfare is the foundational principles of many organisations and those who can afford, it’s considered a moral responsibility to help those who cannot, in little ways. That is how a country can progress. But again you get all kinds in this world. We were fed these ideals from our childhood by our parents.
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well said, Geeta
and it was awesome to connect this week.
I have been off line a lot – visiting family and doing misc stuff and so it felt like getting caught up with you over chai!
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Most welcome dear Yvette. I hope you enjoyed the discourse sipping garam (steaming) chai. Great stimulating conversation here. Take care. 😊
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mmmm – now I really want that kind of chai. oh my
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So well said, Geetaji. A relatable post in many ways. The mindset of the educated middle class and the poor is very different.
Some things stay nearly the same, generation after generation. Some things stay nearly the same, generation after generation.
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At the expense of sounding classist, I guess the difference will remain. But it is more of the mindset than purely economic.
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We have experienced handling school and exam fees. Our idea was that our underprivileged acquaintances and helpers could greatly benefit from reservation policies if they complete at least a high school certificate. Despite generations passing, nothing has changed.
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How we help and how that help is taken or understood are two different things.
Exposure, I think, has led astray those who were ignorant, because they now spend more on fashionable items than on basics like education, health, hygiene, safety, security, which can really facilitate them in the long run.
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I think all kids should be taught money management when they are in school, actually they should be taught a lot of life skills, that they’ll need in adulthood!
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I agree with you Carol Anne. However, our school syllabus is more technical than life skill based. And that needs a three hundred sixty degree change. Perhaps these life skills should be taught outside school. I don’t know. But what you have said needs a lot of thoughts. Thank you so much and sorry for the delay in response.
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