At many points in life I have asked myself: “Are you happy? Is this what you wanted ?” And the answers have been ambiguous… unsatisfactory. Last night the question that popped up was : “What are you doing here? You should pack and leave.” Not being pessimistic but one should be ready to go – experience that overpowering urge to cross over and not fear the inevitable.
Coming back to April – the first half had me going out for community service and reunion with school friends and buddies staying over about which I have written in detail. The second half saw me combating health issues cause unknown – I was in fact back to square one – and dealing with Digital India – I am going to talk about this in detail in another post.
On the reading front , nothing much after the book on Sijo which I have written about. I subscribed to an App of a renowned Bangla Publishing Company which gave me access to its many magazines. ebooks. articles, stories, novels, news , podcasts – still exploring!! Interesting!! That also gave me an opportunity to re-read an old favourite of mine in ebook form and I was surprised to find the emotional appeal of the stories is still intact!!
Due to ill health my walks reduced. Cooking narrowed down to the simplest and the blandest. The To-Do list languished. So nothing there too.
I have reduced screen time as well. With growing cataract its difficult to manage sub-titiles. So off K-Dramas. That said a few P-Dramas are on my watch list. No sub-titles there.
Rehmat (Blessing) – An out and out M&B serial. The rich boss falling head over heels in love with the poor, hardworking and principled but hard to get and very beautiful employee. 💕
Doctor Bahu (Bahu means daughter-in-law) – An ambitious medical student gets married into a family of doctors under her own family’s pressure to find herself torn between a control freak father-in-law and an un-loving husband still hung over his ex. 😢
Sirf Shabana (Only Shabana) – A gutsy but upright small town girl in search of an identity and answers to a few uncomfortable questions. A little overdone but still watchable. 😊
Zanjeerein (The Shackles) – Again feudal family feuds but there’s a scoop of suspense there which has kept me hooked yet. 🫣
On the desi front I am rewatching a Bangla film on treasure hunt – a Sonada Series and just got into a Hindi Web Series which is kind of over the top on GenZ equations – a bit hard to digest!! I feel being a little conservative does good to society and family… But well, I am a dinosaur 🦕😎
Just finished hearing two audio podcasts – Byomkesh Bakshi thrillers. Timeless.
Shoilo Rohosyo (The Mountain Mystery) – Byomkesh accosts a spirit in a Hotel run by a Parsi gentleman in Mahabaleshwar . The Hotel has a dark past and a murder to boot. Will he be able to find the actual culprit?
Amriter Mrityu (Amrit’s Death) – A good for nothing rural boy named Amrit is found dead in the jungles of Baghmari – a remote village known for its rice mills. Byomkesh and his Watsonian friend Ajit is drawn into the nefarious web of illegal arms smuggling and the ghost of a black horse marauding the jungles in the dead of the night spewing fire from its nose. Incidentally, Amrit refers to the elixir of immortality.
***
There is an odd convergence of two very opposite feelings – I miss my earlier self, my work, the adrenaline rush, the tightness in the pit of the stomach manifesting the constant stress of excitement of doing something stimulating. At the same time the reality bites pull me back – health and age. How long can a workabholic subscribe to sedentary living? Good question!!
Of late I have realized I am better off meeting less and less number of people – their barrage of questions, glib sympathies and fake friendlinesses – always leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I am more at peace with myself or should I say coping with my own self. The biggest battles of life are fought inward and not outward. A very late revelation!!
Postscript: WP is asking me to upgrade my site to a paid one. I am clueless. Please help with suggestions and advice.
Oh I’m sorry that you aren’t feeling well! Sending you healing thoughts and prayers dear friend.
One is better off without insincere friends/ acquaintances. I love your list of dramas. Maybe one day I’ll find the energy to watch them.
You should get the cataract surgery done. It’s now a day or two of inconvenience and the improvement in vision is amazing. Then you will have the power to create poems and stories too. Perhaps get them published too.
Sending you lots of love and hugs. 🥰
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Thank you dear Sadje for all your best wishes, prayers and healing thoughts.
I am still looking for a good surgeon and a second opinion. As I am still recovering, my body has to regain completely before the eye surgery. That’s what I was told.
You should take these Serials and films slowly in instalments as I do. They can be very overwhelming at times.
Many hugs to you and lots of love and blessings.
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Thank you dearest friend. I’m avoiding putting too much stain on my eyes till I know what’s the problem- though today I plan to watch Michael! 😅
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👍👍
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🤗🤗
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Honest and relatable. That “what are you doing here” thought hits hard sometimes. Seems like you’re balancing acceptance and restlessness at the same time. Health slowing things down is frustrating, but you’re still engaging—with books, shows, thoughts—that counts. Also get what you said about people… peace is underrated.
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Yes, Maha I like to remain mentally engaged but sometimes life seems to stagnate. It’s then that all sorts of questions crop up.
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I pray for your health,GeetaJi.Get that cataract surgery done,not a long procedure these days.
As you are watching P dramas, please watch Bol Kahani-Aakhri Din,a short story you will definitely love( and then write about it,I will wait)
Don’t worry about slowing down,it is natural.
People with a barrage of questions are never friends or well-wishers, don’t worry about them.
Take care of your health.
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Thank you so much Nusrat.
I will watch the P-drama recommended by you.
I guess you are right about people. Mostly they are pests.
No I am not worried about slowing down. It’s natural. I am just so bored🥱
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I agree that people mostly fought the biggest battle inwardly than outwardly. Healing vibes, gc.
And I think if you like more visibility of your site, a paid one is an advantage.
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This felt very real Geeta ji… some lines stayed with me. Take care of your health… hoping better days come soon.🤍✨
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Thank you very much Rajeshwari. Have a great Sunday 😊💕
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Good luck with Digital India, Geetaji. We are still trying to go with ” the non digital India way” as and when it is possible.
My mother is happy after her cataract surgery on both eyes as she is an avid reader herself.
WP is asking me the same, I haven’t upgraded my blog. I am happy with the basic blog facilities.
P.S. In my reply to your comment I was about to ask, did you wear a saree again? Take care 🤗
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Thank you Rupali. Over here we just cannot go non digital because everything is now app based which has its negatives and positives.
Yes, I know. I too have to go through it.
WP does that when you post regularly and there’s a lot of traffic. They want to encash on it too.
Yes, I do wear sarees whenever I feel like.
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Right. We pay our bills (in advance) for electricity, water and house tax by cash in respective offices in our home town in India. I guess it’s easy to do it online in big cities.
I watched Byomkesh Bakshi series while on treadmill.
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That’s a lot of time consuming efforts. In big cities digitization is a boon but it also has its drawbacks.
BB on TM!! 🙂 Hope you enjoyed.
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Yeah, the series made TM time easy for me.
I have seen it on TV long back.
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I hope you’ll be feeling better soon. I often have the urge to be by myself and reset when I’ve been seeing a lot of people and doing different things. I put it down to my inherent introversion and I’m okay with it! Thank you 🙏 for another interesting blog.
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Yes, I am an introvert too. And by the day’s end I wish to be by myself. One of your comments went into spam. I have retrieved it. Thanks for visiting and commenting.
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You’re very welcome 😊
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the paid wp plan leaves you with no ads on your site, more space to put pictures in, and you supposedly get tech support too if you need it, not sure how much it is in your country but…it is worth updating. and I hope you start feeling better really soon!
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Thank you very much Carol Anne for the inputs and best wishes. God hless
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My late friend Norman (An Anglican priest) when very ill said he did not want to go yet, but would be happy if God called for him. Re the paid site, I found it beneficial for the amount of my photographs. I just followed their directions.
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That’s a good and thoughtful input Derrick. Thank you so much 😊
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[…] April – A Monthly Wrap-Up […]
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Take care! My mother went for a second opinion and she didn’t need a cataract surgery. She just had her eye power corrected. Until
then enjoy your podcasts and P dramas.
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I feel your monthly wrap-up wasn’t that bad, health and people issues aside. While health can be managed, how others behave is a shifting reality we can’t control. Expectations often lead to disappointment, a cruel truth.
I’d suggest making a detailed note of exactly who and what makes you happy, and then simply doing more of that. People can be a draining subject to explore. Take good care of yourself🤗!
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Chetna, thank you for your well meant advice. I will keep that in mind.
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