There are days when I feel completely de-energised and exhausted without having done much. I have often thought why. The answer comes this morning.
Those are the days when a word lands like a power punch, a conversation does not shape the way expected, a message conveys how misunderstood I am, a behaviour requires to be corrected but I am not getting the appropriate opportunity to communicate, an expectation remains unfulfilled, a well thought out plan boomerangs. And there I am consumed by guilt, anger, desperation, remorse, feeling ineffective.
It has gradually dawned on me that all such exchanges – be it verbal or written – involve emotional engagement from two very different perspectives – the one at the giving end and the other at the receiving end. The one at the giving end is venting it out. The one at the receiving end is absorbing. In both cases it is tiring.
While ventilation may seem de-stressing, it is not always so. It has its repercussions. Whereas absorbing can be painfully disturbing, guilt invoking, annoying and devaluing self esteem.
The outcome?
Overthinking … Brooding … Analysing… Self castigation… Entering into a self rectification overdrive. All these actions and reactions again reinstate the process of emotional investment. That is I expend more and more emotion in figuring out what has gone wrong , why it has gone wrong and how to right the wrong.
The longer the process the more emotions I invest into it.
Result ?
Exhaustion.
More specifically, emotional exhaustion which manifests in physical and mental exhaustion.
And all these three stages are avoidable.
How ?
Tutoring the mind.
Being at the giving end I guess I should employ the traditional method. Think twice before embarking on a battle of words. Take into consideration the other person’s perspective. And discuss or have a conversation rather than resort to a one sided verbal barrage. All these steps are an exercise in self control – not easy but still doable if I make up my mind.
Being at the receiving end before going on a guilt or remorse trip its wiser to focus on the cause, logic and rationale behind the altercation. I must figure out whether there is an exploitative note in the exchange or a move towards over expectation.
If it’s either it’s time to revisit the equation. If it’s not introspection is necessary.
It’s better to give myself time, thought and perspective rather than immediately jumping on the bandwagon of hedging relationships from the risk of disintegration.
The more clear I am in my perspective the less is the extent of emotional erosion.
Self defence, physical or emotional, is my prerogative and nobody can take it away from me.
Yes Geeta Ji,
Self defence is the only way to protect self dignity. Even the Parmatma could not forgive Shishupala though it was not a practical decision in today’s sense. None of the decisions taken in self defence, causing Mahabharat, will not be construed as practical, wise and correct today, they were not correct practically even then but Shrikrishna Parmatma took those decision in defence of truth in which he trusted. We would not have existed as Bharat if Mahabharat would not have taken place. Therefore, it is our duty to listen to our inner voice and if it calls you to take certain action in self defence in order to protect the truth within us then it is absolutely correct. 🌷
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Thank you Rajendraji for your encouraging comment. Self analysis and improvement are also a process of finding the inner truth. You are absolutely right.
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Thanks 🤩 I used my comment in my post today mentioning you
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managing our emotions is always tough! I wish you every success with all of it my friend! 💜💜
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Thank you so much Carol. It’s just effort
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this was some nice and wise info – well said.
A lot to chew on, but it reminded me of years ago – we had a list of coping and things to check.
One was to not over ruminate – another was not to vent too much (and some clients actually had to say “Stop” out loud to bring certain thought patterns into line)
and your post connected to some of those tidbits – and the bottom line is that humans can be so complex so we do need to process and understand what a situation needs and what we need – as it changes
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You are spot on Yvette. The unpredictable element of dealing with humans is the biggest variable.
In fact, I privately say ‘stop’ to myself many a time. It’s an ongoing process.
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haha – yes, ongoing process. And being low on sleep (for more than couple of days) tends to be when I need to make sure negativity or a critical spirit is not creeping in – and just seeing the bigger picture helps. it is amazing what a nap can do for a mood – even in adulthood – ha
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Yes, good sleep heals and repairs the body Yvette. But lately I am having a sleep deficit.
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oh well I hope you can get some restorative sleep soon
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Thank you Yvette
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Your words resonate deeply. The way you’ve explained emotional exhaustion—especially the “giving end” and “receiving end” perspective—is so insightful and relatable. We often underestimate how much silent emotional investment drains us more than physical work ever could.
I particularly loved the idea of “tutoring the mind.” That reminder to pause, reflect, and respond instead of react is powerful. Emotional self-defence truly is a prerogative, and clarity in perspective really does protect us from erosion.
Thank you for putting such complex feelings into such honest and thoughtful words. 🌿
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Mahananda,
Emotional deficiency is something which is very very common. But unfortunately we don’t realise it. We equate it with physical exertion. Even mental exhaustion is misconstrued as something which is more physical.
It is important to differentiate between the two and work on it for a healthier and holistic living.
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Good thinking
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Thank you very much Derrrick 🙏
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Very insightful and relatable.
You’ve captured how emotional over-engagement leads to exhaustion, and how clarity, perspective, and self-defence can protect our inner energy. A calm, wise reminder to tutor the mind before emotions take over.
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Srivastavji,
Namaskar.
The roadmap to spiritual awareness goes via emotional route. It is therefore of utmost significance if we are able to monitor our feelings and channelise them with objectivity and through a process of elimination. Emotional baggage needs to be discarded at all cost for higher thoughts and comprehensive growth. I hope you will agree with me.
Regards
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful words. Yes, recognising emotional and physical exhaustion separately is so important. Truly appreciate your insight. 🌿
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Thank you very much Mahananda. Your words of appreciation mean a lot to me and add a positive dimension to this post.
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You’ve come to the right conclusion dear friend. Avoiding conflict is not easy , but in it lies our emotional wellbeing. Neither give cause for a flare up and control the urge to do so. I’ve learned this the hard way. In my language there is a saying- ik chup, soo sukh! Meaning in keeping the lips zipped, we gain thousand- fold peace.
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I guess you are punjabi, Sadje ?
Since I am brought up in the North I understand Punjabi very well. Even our Hindi is actually Punjabi-Hindi. So I absolutely endorse your saying. I have also learnt the hard way to not be impulsive in vocalising my thoughts. To choose the right moment for the right words. And also to control the overthinking though it cannot be attained overnight.
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Oh I’m glad you understand Punjabi. I’m not very fluent in speaking Punjabi but understand most dialects of it.
You’re right that changing one’s way of thinking is a hard task. Hugs
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Nice👏👏👌
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Thank you
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Nicely shared!
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Thank you Tina
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