In our culture we don’t address our seniors by their first name. That is considered disrespectful. Being in the habit of establishing relationships even strangers are addressed as uncle or aunty based on their respective gender.
In Bengal the address is more specific, personal and intense. 😂😂 It is not a plain- fitting-all-and-sundry aunt, it’s either mashima (mother’s sister) or pishima (father’s sister) or kakima (father’s younger brother’s wife) or jethima (father’s elder brother’s wife) or mamima (mother’s brother’s wife) or didima (maternal grandmother) or thakuma (paternal grandmother). Likewise it is meshomoshai (mother’s sister’s husband) or pishemoshai (father’s sister’s husband) or kakamoshai (father’s younger brother) or jethamoshai (father’s elder brother) or mama (mother’s brother) or dadu (maternal grandfather) or thakurda (paternal grandfather).
As I write I get how complicated this must be to those who are not conversant with our social norms Interestingly and amusingly, there are no steadfast rules governing these addresses. It’s just the vibe you get meeting a person (given their age) or a relationship that you hold dear.
Even amongst equals we suffix a ji to their name to show respect. To address somebody in public it will either be bhaiyya (younger brother) or bhaisahab (elder brother). Vice versa, for a man addressing a woman it will be behanjee (sister). Young girls and kids are often endearingly addressed as gudiya (implying a plaything or a doll to be loved and cared for).
These addresses also reflect our social and cultural mindsets. A young girl/unmarried woman will always be addressed as didi (elder sister) and for married girls/women it will be bhabhiji (brother’s wife) or boudi (in Bangla). Thus, the Chief Minister or State Head of West Bengal is referred to as Mamta di. The Nightingale of India, Lata Mangeshkar, as Lata di. Asha Bhonsle, Lata di’s sister, another iconic voice, as Asha Tai (elder sister in Marathi). However, for men, irrespective of their marital status, the address is dada!
Decades back I had become the universal auntie. Some even addressed me as mummy ji which made me laugh. Perhaps it’s the grey in my hair which I never hid. Irrespective of the silver streak there is an odd social habit of prefixing a ‘Mrs.’ to a lady’s name without asking. I have stopped correcting them because it’s too often now. And I really don’t think that prefix defines me. As long as they are respectful and well meaning I can overlook that lapse.
But what bothers me is when the cab driver immediately switches on a devotional song as soon as I take a seat implying without saying as much that given my age I should only be interested in spiritual thoughts and music.
Up North, a position of command automatically presupposes male presence or identity. So for my chemist or pharmacist I am ‘Chatterjee Sahab’. For my rickshaw driver I am ‘Sahib’ or ‘Janaab’. Both male addresses.
Another funny reaction that I get is when one look at my face and people start talking to me in English whereas I would be equally, if not more, comfortable with Hindi or Bengali.
One of my regular handymen was given to addressing me as bhabhiji. At that time my mother’s caretaker was a very conservative elderly lady. This offended her sense of propriety as I was not married and I believe she chastised him once or twice for it. But incorrigible that he was, he refused to switch over to the socially accepted ‘didi‘ even after all that regular admonitions.
If you ask me, my funda is simple. As long as it is respectful, I don’t much bother about what they address me as.
I am participating in Blogchatter’s #WriteAPageADay Campaign)
Respect is do important
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Yes, it is Derrick. Thank you so much 🙏🙏
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that is so interesting to read about your culture, I agree, as long as people are respectful…then it doesn’t matter really what they address you as. Xx
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Exactly Carol. With cultural identification social responsibility increases. So let’s keep it simple – just respect.
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This was such a delightful, layered read 😊—funny on the surface and quietly incisive underneath. You’ve captured how forms of address are never just words; they carry history, hierarchy, affection, gendered assumptions, and sometimes lazy stereotypes too. I smiled at the Bengali specificity (so beautifully intimate!) and nodded hard at how age, marital status, and authority get read—often wrongly—into a woman before she even speaks. The cab driver anecdote and the automatic “Mrs.” really hit home. Loved how you ended with grace rather than grievance: respect over labels. A thoughtful page that makes you laugh, reflect, and check your own conditioning. 🌿
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Thank you Mahananda for your detailed analytical comment. I am glad you saw beneath the veil of formal addresses.
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What a lovely glimpse into Indian culture!
So many ways to address people show the respect woven into everyday life.
Truly something to be proud of, GC.
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Really???
Ok. Thank Mr. P.
I am sure you are being polite.
It was, in fact, written in a lighter vein.
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Haha, lighter vein or not, it’s still impressive—a wonderful glimpse of culture, full of respect and warmth, and truly enjoyable to read!
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Thank you Mr. P so very much.
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This made me smile all the way through 😄
Our forms of address are like a social GPS. Deeply cultural, wildly intuitive, and completely confusing to outsiders. One wrong turn and you’re suddenly promoted to universal auntie or Mrs. by default without prior notice!
Your closing funda says it best: names matter less than intent. Respect over labels, always. This was a nice slice of everyday sociology.🙏🏻💛🙂
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Thank you so much. I am glad that you liked the deeply socio-cultural implications of our formal addresses.
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Yes, it was an enjoyable as well as insightful read. 🙏🏻💛
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I really enjoyed this post Geeta. Here with my grey hair, people have started addressing me as auntie, ammaji or even maanji. I like it as it means I’ll get some preferential treatment – offer of a chair to sit while my bill is tallied, a position in the front of the line or even an offer to serve food first because of my seniority.
Our relationship titles are less complicated than yours but still for a person not belonging to the subcontinent, they are pretty tricky. 😜😜😜
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😆😆😆😆
Some day I should write about the implications of attire too like getting a seat in the Metro if I am wearing a saree. That puts me into the bracket of really old and infirm.
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Lol! I think a sari makes a lady look very stylish. I love the way it looks.
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Yes, it does but to GenZ it’s an outfit which perhaps they have seen on their grandmothers.
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Not fair, I think
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[…] Faces Are Misleading […]
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I’m glad I learned this today. And I love how respectful the different names are. Just beautiful.
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Thank you very much Kymber
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I can relate! I still remember my mom looking at me with those anger-filled eyes just because I dared to use an elder’s first name. But I’ve always felt that true respect lives in the eyes and the intent, not just the title. You can use the most formal address and not mean a word of it, or use a first name and hold someone in the highest regard. Like you said, as long as it’s well-meaning, that’s what counts!
🤗🌹
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I absolutely agree with you Aparna.
Lots of 💕
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😇🥰 means a lot to me✨
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I can relate to all that you have written. 🙂
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Thank you Shail. I guess most women in a certain age group can.
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