Lately I am wondering how to position oneself in a relationship to be emotionally safe. Is it at all possible? Or is it just a candid manifestation of one’s vulnerability?
I guess it is. But at the same time is it not challenging to find that one delicate spot where one is able to anchor oneself and enjoy the dynamics of a relationship without getting too involved?
It is definitely not a crime to save oneself from getting hurt. Or is it a must to nurse wounds of the heart to validate an involvement? How important is it to ache and feel the acuteness of pain and for how long?
To be in love with a broken heart is masochistic. To hurl pain in vindictiveness is sadistic. Then is it not more prudent to test the grounds and entrench oneself in a place where one is neither too attached so as to not able to defend oneself nor too detached to be indifferent to any mishap?
Am I being pessimistic? A relationship can be smooth, stimulating and evolving – a permanent happiness inducer. Sure. But is there any guarantee of permanence ? The chances of getting hurt and humiliated in the course of time cannot be overlooked either.
Positioning does not mean being encumbrance free. It means one is able to retain sanity through emotional turmoil. Rationality through blinding pain. The capacity to sensibly analyse the situation and take a decision to respond appropriately when the other party is being inconsistent.
Anguish increases with lack of comprehension. The shock of the first assault will nonetheless be traumatising. It will take time to adjust and to reel back to senses. But it may take less time if one is already prepared beforehand and in a position to judge from a distance. But can one really be so astute as to gauge when the equation is going to boomerang ? Life has its own surprises.
As I write I become aware of the implausibility of the scheme. Humans, given their intrinsic nature, let themselves be either weakened by others or be so iron strong so as to be called heartless. Is there anything in between?
Relationships are complex. They have extreme results. They may impassion one or make them so dispassionate as to render quite incapable of feelings. Balance of mind is very crucial. And that act of balancing seems questionable in a relationship.
Perhaps that’s because it’s a two way act. As much depends on oneself as it depends on the other. So where do we arrive? Do we forgo safety when in any relationship? Or is the concept of safety itself a chimera?
I started this post with questions and ended the same way. Do you have any answers? Or you are as clueless as I am?
Nevertheless, I have at least been able to open the pandora’s box ? Now I believe we have to peep in to see what’s inside …
Any relationship is usually complex and fraught with the possibility of getting hurt. Even parents and children have that sort of relationship.
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Yes, Sadje I am talking of all relationships
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The only thing we can do is to have very less/ or no- exceptions. That usually protects the heart from too much damage.
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You are right Sadje. To certain extent I believe in that as well.
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👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
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Fundamentally we have to be prepared to take the risks and hope
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Yes, Derrick thank you so much
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A thought provoking piece indeed. I’m not too good at relationships, which is why I now a live a single, and very happy life!
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Well how do you define “being good in relationship” ? I guess that can be the ingredient for another post. 😆😆
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The more we love, the more vulnerable we become. Good post.
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Yes, that’s very true Mary
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Beautifully written, GC-honest and thoughtful.
Maybe safety in love isn’t about walls, but learning to stand steady even when the ground shifts.
I may be wrong.
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Thank you very much Mr. P. You are right I guess.
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Welcome, GC.
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🙏🙏🙏🙏
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As said so rightly by many in their replies, relationships are tricky and not without elements of risk.
Any work friendship, friendship, or couples, it takes time, a lot of effort, patience, mutual respect and a lot of compromise. Start as you mean to go on for there are no guarantees in any relationship, it is but a risk we take. The time to pay more attention to any relationship is when you get too comfortable, start taking it for granted and efforts decrease cos you think youve dine enough to stabilise it . . . .that is usually when it crumbles, slowly or in one full swoop, you see sides to people you either turned a blind eye to or simply laughed it off . . .thats when your eyes are well and truly opened . . . Big wake up call for you. You get up, dust yourself off and get on with life, learning from what happened.
This does not mean to say that we stay alone, some do as they find it safer than getting hurt which can impact you the rest of your days. We all have that inner strength we never knew existed and we get thru things the best way we can.
Sorry if I strayed off the point a bit, have kept a lot in, dealt with support of few close friends .
Good post Geeta.
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