Laws And Lies

In the last decade or so, since my mother fell ill, I have had to hear a lot about negativity, laws of attraction, thought management etc. It’s been tiresome telling my well wishers that mother’s illness has nothing to do with my thought process. I have not brought the predicament that she is in. Neither have I attracted negativity, thereby, making her critically ill. If I do not have the answer or solution for what is happening in my life then nor do the burgeoning crop of life coaches who smugly pronounce that they know the trick to change others lives.

Life’s trials and tribulations are not unknown to anyone. These are depressing troughs which the life graph dips in and peaks out alternately. Nothing is permanent – neither happiness nor sorrow. We don’t invite the adversities intentionally. Yes, during the bad spells one has to muster sufficient courage to face them. Our thoughts should aid our actions. One must have a problem resolving attitude to come out of such situations unscathed.

Though the self-proclaimed seers attribute the negative situations in life as an outcome of an individual’s negative thoughts and vibes, actually the ability to wade through these exigent circumstances is the real test which definitely requires thought and action management.

Positivity lies in fighting it out however prolonged the battle may be, keeping up hope and falling back upon one’s inner resilience, determination and confidence to emerge stronger learning from lessons taught by life. It’s easy to be a defeatist and easier to be blindly optimistic.

Our religious texts, therefore, tell us to be a stoic – one who is neither hopeless when life takes a downward turn nor jubilant in upward bends. A stoic knows the transient nature of life. Change is the only constant. So a stoic is not too overwhelmed by the ongoing and always prepared for the next step or stage of life.

There is another very vague and least comprehensible concept called karma. Every good and especially bad happening to a person is attributed to his/her karmic quotient cumulated through the cycle of births. We don’t remember our previous deeds – good or bad.

Both these terms are relative. While doing good to someone, knowingly or unknowingly, we may be doing some bad to somebody else. So how does our karmic account flourish or diminish ? The wise ones say not to attempt to figure out because it’s too complicated. In other words it implies that there is least accountability in this argument.

When we suffer the only reality is the unbearable pain. When we are joyous the only reality is the overflow of happiness. To question why am I suffering the answer is you are not the only one who is. Incidentally, we never question our happiness. We take it for granted or consider ourselves deserving of it. So to blame somebody for what (s)he is going through is as meaningless as to declare somebody worthy of joy. Those questions which are unanswerable only increase chaos and confusion. It’s better not to ask them.

Recently my nephew shared a podcast on life coaching. I seriously feel the mushrooming of so called succesful (read commercially) crop of life coaches thrive on blame game. Their basic premise is everyone is a fool who knows not how to better his/her life. They have brought ills upon themselves by their wrong thought process and consequent wrong action. The redemptive course for all such outcomes of wrongful thinking and actions lie with the coaches who have got hold of the sovereign remedy for all maladies – right thinking! Think positively and positive things will happen to you. Think negatively and negative things will happen to you.

They dish out examples of how their correctional methods have worked wonders with sufferers. These sufferers are invisible to the audience. It’s only the coaches who know them and quote their examples. I have a few simple questions for these know-alls.

If, as according to them, somebody is habituated to think negatively can that person change his/her attitude overnight? Even if he/she has an alternate perspective can he/she readily adopt it in the face of a situation? I doubt it. It takes years to change oneself and that too when one consciously realises that he/she has been wrong until then and wishes to make amends. No third person can do it for them.

Secondly, applying the laws of attraction, as the life coaches proclaim, that you attract what and how you think, my question will be those who are put under trying circumstances do they consciously or subconsciously wish for it? Are we all masochists?

Life does not follow a given formula. And, as is said that life is stranger than fiction, to pretend that every problem has a formulaic solution, is gross oversimplification. The Universe is vaster than we can perceive. To think that it is run only by a singular law of attraction is downright microscopic. There is interplay of many more unknowable and indecipherable factors presently beyond human cognizance and comprehension. So just not harp on one tune alone.

I guess keeping afloat, irrespective of the tidal currents, is the secret of living life to the fullest. Those who have learnt the secret get on and those who haven’t lag behind. There is nothing called defeat or victory, wrong and right, happiness and sorrow. It’s just the calmness with which you let your body, mind and soul align with the flow of the waters. If you are able to be one with the ocean at the end of your journey you have tasted success. If you are waylaid at some point you have simply lost a chance. That is what no syllabus teaches you. That is what education should be all about – a course in coping with whatever comes your way. Even unexpected joy needs to be assimilated well. In grief one has to be composed. Because both will pass. What will remain is you – stronger, calmer and undeterred.

There is no shame in being not okay in the process. Those who make you feel diminutive are just not worth living up to. Expectations are like mirages. As you keep on fulfilling them they increase in number and proportion till one day they become unfulfillable. We never ask those who expect hugely from us whether they have met what we expect of them? Therein lies the fault. We keep on meeting what others demand of us never questioning in return. Whereas it should be mutual.

It’s important to recognise one’s limits. It’s also wise to figure out whether we have tried enough. If we have given our hundred percent, irrespective of success or failure, is what should be the judging point although it’s nobody’s business to judge anybody. Fact remains that every individual has his/her own capability to give or receive. It’s an unequal match. Hence, uncompetitive. Some give in easily while others keep on trudging step by step.

It’s that trudge which defines us. Who trudged how long and not how well.

Let’s make achievements out of our flaws, follies and foibles. That’s the only way to move on the path of survival.