Night Melting Into Day

As I look back I realise how routine changes as time passes and we age. In my school days I loved to stay awake at night and study. I guess the silence of late nights facilitated concentration and focus. But as I have written earlier I was not at all studious in school. I loved the idea of studying more than I actually studied.

However, in college I became more disciplined and decided to do well in studies. So I did. I do not remember whether I burnt the midnight oil then. But I definitely remember maintaining strict routine, only studying hard and giving up a lot more than I did in school.

Even a few years back binge watches kept me awake late into the night. Though in the morning I would not feel quite bright. Even then…

But now it’s absolutely different.

If I were watching something on mobile or reading I just wouldn’t know when I would fall asleep. Usually I feel quite tired while commuting back from office. Sometimes I doze off in the car. The distance and traffic both are exhausting.

Notwithstanding, I still like the early morning hours – 04.00 am-ish. Sometimes I wake up even before. In Sanskrit this early morning time is known as Brahmah Muhurtam or the ideal time for self- introspection or self-immersion, exercise, yoga, pranayam or meditation. The pin drop silence is tranquillising. It is the time you become aware of your own awareness.

I try to maintain this early morning hour. I don’t like late rising. It disturbs my routine. I remember years back getting up early and watching the sky gradually lighting up. Dawn and dusk are twilight hours. While dawn raises hopes dusk is depressing.

Twilight hours have special significance in classical music too. When I was learning music I would try to get up early for my riyaaz. Classical ragas have their own timings and when sung at the right time their intrinsic quality, beauty and effect are brought out.

I remember when mother got infected with Corona I refused to hospitalize her. Total isolation from family would have had a devastating effect on her being a dementia patient. I told the physician that I would rather convert her room into a ward than leaving her alone in the hospital. It was a difficult decision but a right one. During that second spell of Corona patients who were hospitalized never returned. But those who were treated at home survived.

I used to be surprised when people spoke of increased depression during and due to Corona. How could Corona be a cause of depression? But when I was nursing mother I was suddenly hit by it. All alone, couped up with a patient who did not have an inkling of what she was afficted with coupled with the despairing non availability of her physician, the shortfall of requisite medicines and the strain of coping up with the entirety of an almost non-combatable situation were enough to push anyone to the tipping point.

The days were hectic. Nights were fitful. But it was dusk when I felt agonisingly lonely. What I am trying to emphasize is that as per our Shastras (religious treatises) time plays a very important role which is manifest in our spiritual quests, creativity and also psyche.

How the hours affect us depends on a plethora of factors. How life takes a toll on us. How situations change from good to bad to good. How age defines our personalities. How we confront our circumstances as well as our inner turmoils and negativities.

And anything that we think we are is grossly overrated by our own selves. Nothing is constant in this world. Nor are we. As day melts into night melts into day again so do we evolve with time, space and where and how we are positioned in life.

The matrix is not so straightforward as we try to make it out…

Think over….