My Sanity

I guess I have answered this prompt partially in my post on why I write. However, in furtherance to the thoughts expressed earlier, this comes as a post script.

My mother has been critically ill for the past one decade. I have written about her profound dementia. Her body is severely infected. While she is under constant medical support of her excellent physician yet the infections keep coming back (being bed ridden) enervating her a little more each day. She has almost become resistant to common low dosed antibiotics. Being over ninety and suffering from an incurable mental state, she has lost coherence of thought and speech. She is in and out of hospital year after year. I pray every day that she is not required to be hospitalized anymore and able to spend the last leg of her journey away from pain and discomfort. However, it is God’s will. I guess we should not complaint but only surrender to His divine ordainment.

However, my mother is a fighter. She has been one throughout her life. It’s a pity when she was well I never asked her from where she got her indomitable courage, power of stoic acceptance of tragedies, the strength to cope with setbacks and carry on with life as usual. I should have. It would have been a lifetime lesson to imbibe.

As it goes, I am her sole caregiver. According to medical experts, it’s important for those who look after dementia patients to maintain their physical and mental health. Every time I visit them they first ask me how I am coping because if I fail to take care of myself I cannot properly take care of my mother.

Humans cannot be infallible. I too succumb to stress and depression at times although I try hard to keep my spirits up. Only medicines cannot cure these symptoms. One needs ventilations of some other sorts as coping mechanisms.

For me, blogging is the elixir. It keeps me going. Preserve my sanity under the constant threat of the inevitable end looming large, the slow decay that I witness every day and the fear of being left alone in this world. To put in one word, mildly at that, it’s scary.

Blogging comes as a respite. Takes me away from the hard hitting realities. Assures me there is still something in life I can hold on to. Facilitates honing of my writing skill as I spend some time out of the day’s hectic schedule on a regular basis to exercise my mind in something other than the pressurising routine. A gainful distraction!!

Blogging is just not about me writing. It is also networking with co-bloggers. To enter into their domains and realize that there is another world out there which is different from mine. A world where there is peace and normalcy. Believe me it is hope generating, mind calming and something to earnestly look forward to.

I don’t know whether this post comes as a disappointment to the readers. But this is the ultimate truth. In short, blogging is a friendly activity , a solace provider and a soothing balm to a haggard soul. One can say it’s another form of medication to a diseased mind which has gotten into worrying non stop.

I am sure my co-bloggers cum virtual friends have better reasons of blogging. I wish them all well and also take this opportunity to thank them from the bottom of my heart for enduring me and being with me for so many years.