I Am

Who am I?

What am I?

Why am I?

These are the crucial questions every one of us seek reply to at least once in a lifetime. Biologically, we are human beings. Sociologically, we are social animals. Spiritually, advaitavad or the believers of non duality will say, we are the Supreme Consciousness – ekameva – the Brahman.

At times I am in a fix. If I am just a human being then what propels my body? It cannot just be the brain. If it is, then what motivates the brain to function ? The answer is the life force. But what is the genesis of this life force?

The spiritualist will say your life force is merely a part of the Supreme Consciousness. Realize it. How? Through deep meditation. This Consciousness is beyond your body and mind. It is experiential.

However, till such time we experience the greater consciousness, we can only limit ourselves to the body and adhere to the norms of the society wherein we live.

I have often tried to fathom this mystery when I was small. I would love to gaze at the star filled sky and try to visualize it’s vastness viz- a – viz my miniscule existence. As a child our imagination is not warped by reality. One can stretch our imageries to the wildest realm.

But as an adult our knowledge constricts our imagination. We are servile to our limitations. Our perception of self varies. We oscillate between good and bad. We reconcile with our conscience justifying our actions or inactions by varied logics, At one point I thought I was a product of uncontrollable circumstances. At another I was quite sure I could make my own destiny. With age, wisdom is gained by hindsight. As I look back the story of life appears to be written by invisible hands. Everything is preordained. Engineered by a power unknown.

I am just a product of my thoughts and experiences. There are times when I am not aware of my own capabilities. I am filled with doubt. And when I survive the test of time I am astonished at my own tenacity. How did I do this? How did I do that?

Human persona is a mystery. There are times when I feel within this structure of flesh and bones reside a number of identities. One who is the doer. The other is the thinker which makes the doer work. Simultaneously, there is the observer who spectates the thinker and the doer. Finally, there is the doubter who is unsure whether what is being done is correct or not. The doubter is the destroyer. The doer is the engineer. The thinker is the creator. A conglomerate of all these taskers is I the Ego which inflates, which deflates and which ultimately surrenders to become one with the whole of which it is a part.

I am a particle of that absolute. That absolute in its particulate form resides within me. Then can’t I with conviction proclaim I am the absolute yet modestly acknowledged I am nothing without the absolute? If my I is my identifier, I am. If I borrow my identity from a greater being I am nothing.

So let me introduce myself : I am what I perceive I am. The consciousness of my isness endows me substance. I am the manifestation of the enormity of existence. Within me is the world. Without me there is nothing. I am that piece without which the puzzle is incomplete. But being the part I am also the puzzle. Unravel me.