As a child my exposure to the world was through books and radio. The internet was unheard of. We did not have a TV at home. Listening to the radio was a family affair. Access to books was through public libraries visited either with mother or with my elder sister.
At home too we had a wide collection of books on various subjects. A few of them were out of bounds because those were certified for adults only. The things which are prohibited have a fatal attraction. It’s these adult books that made me the most curious. What was written inside them? Why was I not allowed to read them? How could I lay my hands on them? Why are they for adults only? Very natural questions for a young growing mind.
At school, my classmates often talked about certain inaccessible books in whispers. That piqued my curiosity more. It was in the lazy afternoons when mother slept that I noiselessly took these books out to browse through. Some held my attention instantly. Some I couldn’t follow much. Some were left unfinished because mother somehow came to know about my trespass. But she never scolded me for encroaching into forbidden territory. Most probably she thought I would not fully understand what was written in there. Or perhaps that I should not be prevented from satisfying my curiosity.
The first adult stuff that I read to the finish was a Bengali novel called “Tamoshi” referring to a dark, gloomy night, written by Jarasandho which was later made into a much acclaimed Hindi movie by the name “Bandini” directed by the well known Bimal Roy. The movie had a powerful star cast and timeless music.
Jarasandho was the pen name of the author Charu Chandra Chakraborty. He was a Jail Superintendent by profession. All his novels were prison stories inspired by the actual characters or prisoners he came across in his professional life. Tamoshi was the story of one such female prisoner.
What fascinated me was the author’s pseudonym Jarasandho or Jarasandha, having mythological roots. In the epic Mahabharata. Jarasandha was the king of Magadha and the father-in-law of the demonic king Kansa of Mathura. Krishna killed Kansa and incurred Jarasandha’s lifelong enmity.
Jarasandha was born in two separate halves to two queens of King Brihadratha. A Rakshasi (demoness) named Jara joined the two halves together bringing him to life.
He was invincible because his body could magically re-join if torn. Krishna was aware of this. He advised the Pandava Prince Bhima, during a wrestling duel, to tear Jarasandha’s body in half and throw the pieces in opposite directions so that they could never get connected again. That is how Jarasandha met his end.
I wondered what made the author adopt this pseudonym maybe because he himself had two identities – one professional and the other as an author and both conjoined to produce literary masterpieces (?!)
Another book that I read under a torchlight inside a rajai (quilt) was Sharat Chandra Chattopadhyay’s controversial novel “Charitraheen” meaning characterless. The title of the book attracted me. Unfortunately, I couldn’t finish reading this book as mother returned it to the library too soon perhaps to make it unavailable to me.
However, one thing that escaped me was why these books were meant for adults only. There were no explicit descriptions which could tarnish the imagination of an underage reader. The language flowed beautifully as did the narrative. The writing was heavily nuanced and sometimes went beyond a child’s comprehension. Then why was I debarred from reading them?
In those days man woman relationship was a hush hush matter. Stories built around themes of love, betrayal, sacrifice, marriage, heartbreaks, crimes of passion, hard hitting realities and such other were prohibited readings for children. In Tamoshi the protagonist falls in love with a revolutionary who breaks her heart which eventually leads her to a crime of passion. Charitraheen also, among other parallel narratives, deals with the adoration of a widowed woman for a man.
My irresistible curiosity for these classics perhaps stemmed from the notion that by reading them I would be able to graduate into an adult swiftly.
The very fact that nobody stopped or reprimanded me for these secret indulgences enabled my unbound curiosity to fizzle out after a while.
Have you as a child ever sneaked through forbidden grounds ?
Let me know in the comments below.
This post is part of Blogchatter’s Half Marathon 2026
No! Coz we only have one book at home as a child.🤭 The Bible. I didn’t read it, too😁 I got only academic books from school which I brought home when theres homework. My parents aren’t hookworms, and I discover my love for books later in life.
Your books there sounds interesting and epic.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bookworms*
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Hazel. My father was a bibliophile and nurtured an interest in a wide range of subjects. We had books and books at home. Mostly eligible for reading irrespective of age. But a few, as I said, were out of jurisdiction. Again, we learn by doing things which are not to be done at a particular age. My love for language perhaps grew from premature reading of adult books which I vaguely understood at that time.
Have a great day and stay blessed.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Enjoy your day and my pleasure, gc
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh the joys of sneaking into forbidden territory! i did that too! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am glad to have a compatriot
LikeLike
How adventurous of you Geeta. My father and grandfather both had a large collection and I could read any book that I wanted. We also had a few poetry dewans of Mir Taqi Mir, Ghalib and full collection of Alama Iqbal.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, I guess I was. Due to shifting base father had to give away many rare books which was really a great loss.
LikeLiked by 1 person
We also gave away lots of old and valuable books due to frequent shifting of homes. It’s okay because someone else would have read those books, and I’m sure their pages were quite fragile to make envelopes to sell pakoras in.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am not sure those who took the books appreciated their value. But nothing can be done.
However, now whenever I buy a book or books I am aware of my space constraints and decide what I will do with them once I have read them. One of my dreams was to have a personal library of my own but maintaining books is not easy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very true. That’s why I’m trying to buy books on kindle.
LikeLiked by 1 person
गीता दी,न जाने क्यों जब किसी किताब को पढ़ने से मना किया जाता हे तो उसको पढ़ने की धुन सवार हो जाती हे.आज भी यहां कुछ किताबों पर पाबंदी हे पर दिल कहता हे कहीं से का कर पड़ ले नुसरत.
LikeLiked by 1 person
पाबंदियां लालसा बढ़ाती है। यह सच है। मेरे पास ऐसी दो किताबें है जिन्हें आज के माहौल में पढ़ना छुपा के ही होगा और क्या उनके बारे में डिस्कस कर पाएंगे सोचना पड़ेगा।
LikeLiked by 1 person
A very enjoyable piece to read. You’re right that, as children, we long for the things that we’re told we can’t have! Curiosity to know why it’s forbidden!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Liz. Great to have you here.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊👍🏽
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are right, as children we are forbidden so many things and during my growing up days too it was some books, and then there was the English channels on Cable TV or even music videos on MTV. My father had an absolute rule to never allow us to watch any of the English channels airing movies or sitcoms and my sister and I would be piqued to know why and would in his absence turn to those channels which honestly didn’t make sense. I remember once watching a Vampire series as a teen and just at the moment when the Vampire, in a weird sensuous way, bites his victim, a woman, on the neck that my grandmother who was standing silently behind me all this while claims, ‘Let your Baba come home this evening and I will tell him everything’. My attempts to explain vampires were never understood 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hehh…Hehh..your grandmother’s timing was so perfect. In those days parenting was based on strict rules and stern threats. It would have been better if they let children question and be inquisitive.
I think my parents all along knew what I was up to but did not curb my adventures. That’s why I lost interest so fast or perhaps grew up, you can say.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your first paragraph resonates particularly with me. My Mum took me and my brother to the library once a week. Of course you wanted to dip into the forbidden. We didn’t have any such
LikeLiked by 1 person
The inquisitiveness of the young mind.
Thank you very much Derrrick 🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
Your post reminded me of Harold Robbins …
LikeLiked by 1 person
I tried to read HR much later in life but his writings were not to my taste.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Excellent adulthood
Thanks
For liking my post ‘Myself’ 🌹 🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Professor Sahab.
And you are more than welcome.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think it’s wonderful that your curiosity had you reading books that were outside of your age range. If nothing else, the stories broadened your horizons and expanded your vocabulary! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
It did give me a chance to explore and enjoy rich and refined language, expressions and narratives.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reading under a quilt with a torchlight is such a classic, universal childhood memory! 📖✨ It’s so true that making something ‘forbidden’ only makes us ten times more curious. What a wonderfully written, nostalgic reflection, Geeta!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you very much OM
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
This brought back memories Geeta ji😄 My dad and I used to read books together too. And yes, I’ve had my share of reading under the blanket with a torch. Those were such lovely days. 🤍
LikeLiked by 1 person
Memories…me and my elder sister reading in bed before going off to sleep. Mother from the other room telling us to switch off the lights and go off to sleep. The tug of war between a murder mystery and sleep….thanks Rajeshwari your comments took me years back.
LikeLike
You make an interesting point, Geeta, about wanting what is prohibited. Who isn’t interested in secrets?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Mary. Secrets and prohibitions always enticed
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a beautifully evocative piece. Your journey into “forbidden” books mirrors the secret rebellions many of us carried as children. I too remember tiptoeing into territories marked off-limits—not out of defiance, but out of an irresistible hunger to understand the adult world that always seemed just a little out of reach. Those quiet discoveries, made under quilts or behind half‑closed doors, shaped us more than we realized. Your story brings back the thrill of those stolen moments of reading, when curiosity felt like a doorway to growing up.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, you get it perfectly. That irrepressible hunger to understand the adult world. A very natural curiosity in that age.
What all imaginative measures were adopted to read a few pages. Under the quilt, in the bathroom…once I remember carrying a book secretly to my aunt’s place.
All those innocent innovations were actually part of growing up.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks
For liking my post ‘MTWCE’ 🌹 🙏
LikeLiked by 1 person