Two days back I finished watching a Pakistani drama which stretched to 84 episodes. Somewhere close to the 60th I lost interest and took a break. Then my eye surgery happened which again extended the period of abstaining though the surgeon said, “Watch all the serials you want.”
But a week or so back the binge bug bit me again and I resumed watching the series – the last few episodes at a stretch. It was a family drama revolving around three families having one vamp each (yes, quite a handful) who as usual made their mission to disrupt the lives of the rest. Without going into a detailed critique, in brief, the story was all about good versus evil. The good showing exemplary level of tolerance throughout and the evil , in the long run, getting their dues in accordance with their vicious karma. Needless to say , the climax saw the former magnanimously forgiving the latter.
When it comes to forgiving I always wonder whether it can be absolute and really lead to a complete erasure not only of the evil but also that gnawing sense of injustice in the hearts and minds of the victims.
Does prolonged endurance mellow the endurer to such an extent that the thought of forgiving comes with greater ease than feelings of retribution? Or perhaps the forgiver becomes adept in suppressing or is rendered totally incapable of the raging desire of counter vengeance as a result of prolonged period of victimization? Is this very act of forgiveness actually transformative for the forgiven or is it just an interim pause to strike back again?
In this context, I am reminded of one of Tagore’s poems wherein he expresses his inability to forgive the wrong doers in accordance with the timeless prescriptions of morality. That’s human isn’t it ? Though motivational speakers and spiritual gurus would harp on ‘forgive and forget’ – the mantra of moving on.
I remember, once frazzled by the mis- conduct of one of my domestic helps, I had repeatedly complained about him to a spiritual practitioner I used to visit then quite often. She heard me out calmly and advised me to give blessings to him whenever his misdemeanor rankled. She said if I did not forgive him the karmic chord that bound him to me would not get severed. And as long as his misdeeds haunted me I would keep hurting and remain tied to the spot where I was mentally. At that point of time, her words vaguely made sense. And it took years for me to get out of the clutch of remorse and anger borne out of misplaced trust.
There’s a beautiful story by Paramahansa Ramakrishna about three drunkards who wanted to cross a river at night. So they got on a boat and rowed till morning. However, in the morning, they realised that they had not reached the other bank because they had forgotten to untie the boat in the first place.
I admit that I made elaborate plans of bringing the miscreant to book. I lodged a police complaint followed by an FIR. I kept following up with the SI in charge of the case so that an early action would be taken in the matter. However, nothing concrete came out of my incessant follow-ups and the investigation fizzled out after a while.
Perhaps the victim in the series realises the futility of getting into the continued rut of revenge and counter revenge – a vicious circle without a way out. After all what is to be achieved out of it? Personal gratification and a perceived sense of justice meted out? But will this vengefully earned satisfaction stand the test of time?
I vaguely remember the outline of a short story telecast when I was in my formative years. A convict wanted to take revenge on the persons who were responsible for his long sentence in jail. However, to utilise his time in the prison he started reading books on various subjects which were supplied to him on his request. By the time his sentence was complete he had lost his initial desire of revenge as his perspective had changed with acquisition of knowledge.
Perhaps it’s best not to be on that seat of judgement. Poetic justice is brought about by the natural laws of the Universe and not by human hands after all (though some may or may not agree). Let the karmic accounts unfold in line with divine machination which honestly is beyond the immediate comprehension of the forgiver as well as the forgiven. It’s only in hindsight that the jigsaw puzzle of life seems to get fitted in with such precision that there is no scope left for anything else except immense awe and incredulity.
God’s orchestration surpasses human manipulation at every step. To us, mere mortals, justice may appear to be delayed at times but never denied in the cosmic court of law. Even that delay, if we analyse impartially, must be having its own justification too. We, blinded by our anguish, fail to see that whatever happens in life is actually for our very best, even if it seemingly impacts us adversely. At times, perhaps even a closure is not the answer. Perhaps the reins are kept loose by the Puppeteer for a larger purpose which our limited vision fails to gather. Isn’t it then wiser to recognise our own limitations and repose absolute faith in the Master Planner for the ultimate decisive move? I guess, that’s what forgiving is all about. Leaving the final say to the Divine unquestioningly.
I’m not so sure about forgiveness, I mean, it is all well and good, forgive and forget, but is it possible? I doubt it. Somewhere deep within the victim still wants justice!
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Yes, forgiveness does not come easily.
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The lack of forgiveness hurts those who harbour it rather than those who caused the problem. So it better to forgive. Also, karma is inescapable, so people should take some comfort in that. And I think it is better to let God be the judge.
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Yes, you are absolutely correct. Seldom the perpetrator feels remorse at his or her doings.
Also, the deep seated rankle is killing.
Faith, on the other hand, is a great healer. Faith is also an enabler. But it’s only with age, experience and maturity that we understand the value of letting go, strength of faith and the positivity in ultimate surrender to God’s will.
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I am not interested in vengeance, and I find forgiveness easier than forgetting.
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Thank you so much Derrrick 🙏
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Forgiveness is certainly difficult to practice over saying it in words. It takes a big heart, a huge one indeed and may be it isn’t a tired heart who has given up but understands that the resentment we hold actually burns us up inside. Suppressed anger only hurts us and I remember what you had written in a comment earlier, what we give comes back to us thousandfold. It takes years, patience to understand and the wisdom does not come easy but when it starts to make a little sense, the peace and serenity feels so much better than the constant overthinking. To forgive is sure difficult but not impossible. I also remember a short story by Tolstoy from school where a falsely accused much later in prison comes face to face with the actual convict but chooses to forgive having learnt better. It was called ‘God sees the truth but waits’; at that time I remember asking my teacher “does the title make sense” and she explained to me in detail what didn’t make sense then but does now.
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Parikhit, I feel even the act of forgiveness is not in our hands because if you consider human primal instincts of hunting gathering we are actually beastly by nature not saintly. We have always attacked and encroached than saved and preserved.
It took many years to mould my thinking and seek divine blessing to be able to forgive those whom I treated as my enemies.
Hatred, at times, seems like a driving force but it is killing. Forgiveness comes with realisation of its futility. Peace is much more precious. Peace is also enhancing.
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A thoughtful reflection, Geetaji. Sometimes forgiveness is less about forgetting and more about finding peace within. 🌿
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Absolutely, you have nailed it Maha. Thank you so much for vocalising my thought.
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Forgiveness is hard, but it loosens the grip of what was never yours to carry.
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So profound. Thanks a ton Kymber.
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When we move from justifiable anger to forgiveness we transform pain into an act of spiritual excellence.
Verse 42 chapter 40 of Quran says
‘Amd the retribution of an evil act is an evil one like it,but whoever pardons and makes reconciliation-his reward is due from Allah .Indeed he does not like wrongdoers”
Geeta Di ,by forgiving we actually prevent our anger from turning into harmful action and bring peace to our soul.
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Nusrat,
A warm thanks filled with gratitude for that verse from Quraan.
All the negative forces inside our mind corrupting our soul should be channelised into positive, humbling action.
Peace is not only healing but it allows us the space to grow.
Warmly
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Geeta you’ve posed a very pertinent question! If I may, I can give example from my own life when my step mother made life hell for me and my younger brother. She was afraid of my elder brother. We had no way to tell our father because he was a heart patient and my grandmother ( his mother) forbade us to tell him anything. We three were each other’s confidants.
Ultimately we all grew up, moved away from our father’s home. And though she still tried to make mischief, it had lesser impact. Besides I was very lucky to have a wonderful husband and parents in law.
I have forgiven her because to me she is not important enough. And the thought of grudge or revenge carries a lot of useless weight.
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Dear Sadje,
I am extremely grateful for this elaborate comment.
In the early years of my life , due to certain very disturbing incidents, after my father’s death, I thrived on hatred and made it my driving force in life. But over a period of time I have realised how destructive it is. At one point of time forgiving did not come easily to me. But with lot of prayers I have been able to get over anger and bitterness. Now, though at times, I feel anger and the urge to give back people in the same way they dealt with us but something pulls me back at the last moment.
I think this is also healing and needs constant prayers and submission.
In fact in this post I was going to write something totally different but words just poured out. And see the number of good advices I got in return. I believe God speaks through different ways and its one of them.
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When we are younger we don’t know how to deal with hate wisely. I’m glad we both are out of that phase.
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True. Absolutely true.
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👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
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Profound and beautifully written. Faith often carries us where justice alone cannot. ✨
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Definitely Rajeshwari. Faith has great strength
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There’s so much in this fabulous post, Geeta. I love the story of the drunks in the rowboat, the too-long series, and of course, your thoughts on forgiveness.
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The boat story is priceless Mary. I am so glad you liked the post.
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Forgiveness rarely means pretending the hurt never happened; rather, it is often the grace-filled choice to release the burden of vengeance and entrust justice to God. In doing so, we do not excuse wrongdoing, but we free our hearts to heal and move forward in peace.
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I like the way you put it – grace filled choice to release the burden of vengeance – this is so required to emancipate from everything that is petty, harmful and devastating. Thank you very much Willie.
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🙏🤗
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Very interesting read on so many levels. Great analysis.
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Thank you Ganga
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