This is in response to Esther’s Weekly Word Prompt.
This week’s Prompt is Fish
***
The Fish Who Does Not Know How To Swim
Of late, I am consciously trying to fight with my reclusiveness. I am not exactly unsocial but I don’t go that extra mile to be friendly either. I have always been like that though my work profile necessitated me to change a bit superficially.
I remember when I was in my teens my mother would ensure that I went out of the house to play in the evenings. I preferred to stay inside with a book. I had a lot of complaints against mother on this and thought that she did not understand or accept me as I was. But I was wrong. I now believe she knew me more than I knew myself and that’s why she made it a point to make me realise the importance of stepping out and mingling because though we may dislike we have to mix in society be it for work or for leisure.
I wonder from where I got this trait of enjoying my own company. Both my parents were very friendly and social though my father receded into a shell after a life changing shift. My elder sister has always been very outgoing and extrovert. The other day she told me that I should move out a little more. My mother belonged to a large family of socially and culturally active people. On my father’s side both my aunts and uncle loved travelling and were well connected. One of my uncles remained cut off from the rest of the family so I don’t know much about him and his family. But my sister does talk about warm relations with my aunt (uncle’s wife).
I am not exactly a fish out of water in social gatherings. But I am definitely not a party person either. At work as well as in family get togethers I prefer to get into the role of an observer sitting quietly and watching others. I hate public speaking and had to rehearse several times under my breath if I were to deliver an extempore speech at farewells and other such occasions.
However, in like minded company I am not only quite open but also talkative. But that company is again very selective.
My sister wishes every other person she meets during walks. I have tried to adopt the habit but I disapprove of people who try to be inquisitive or familiar after two meetings. An elderly lady in the park whose walk time coincides with mine has started asking questions like why there is a change in my walking schedule, where is my sister and why she is not coming along with me etc. Though I reply to her politely I feel uneasy giving out so many details about my private life. More so, because I don’t feel the urge to ask her back so many questions. Quite a few times I wanted to know where she lived but I have not been able to and the query has remained on my lips unuttered.
Having said all that I still feel I am a people’s person having successfully delivered for more than four decades in public service wherein I had to deal with a variety of people from a cross section of society and serve them the very best way I could. Living in aloneness and living in isolation are two very different things. I like having people around but I don’t like them to be too personal. How’s that ?
Well, that’s me. A fish who is struggling to be in the waters. Hopefully some day I will learn to swim. At present I am just afloat.
***
Don’t force yourself to be someone else. You do you.
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Thank you so much Sadje. I try to be myself. Its the most difficult thing to do in today’s time with so much external pressure and influences.
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I understand, but one should let go of the desire to
Please others.
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I do not try to be people pleaser as I am a very private person.
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I understand my friend.
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This is a sincere and eloquently expressed reflection. Many people live their lives just as you’ve described — feeling at ease in their own environment while maintaining meaningful connections. Being selective about the people and energies we welcome is completely acceptable. What truly counts is the genuine way we interact, and you evidently possess that in great measure. You’re not fighting to keep up — you’re moving forward at your own speed, and that’s absolutely okay.
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Your comment gives me a lot of strength and encouragement. Yes, genuineness in interaction is very important. So is transparency. Thank you so much for this perspective. It means a lot to me.
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My comment seems to have disappeared. I pointed out the difference between how you say you are in public and how open you are in writing on your blog
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😊😊 I am happy you noted that. I guess I treat the blog space as my solace sphere and I know some very like-minded people will be visiting me here. Thank you so much Derrrick.
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I think it’s always best to be yourself. I agree with Derrick – you come across as kind and caring in your blog ❤️
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Thank you so much Esther for your kind appreciation. Indebted.
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GC, the fish example made me laugh — not because of the fish, but because it’s exactly how I function too. Floating peacefully, swimming only when absolutely necessary, and pretending to be social while mentally planning my quiet escape. If you’re a hesitant swimmer, then I’m definitely your underwater twin. 😄😄
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Each time I type out the reply it disappears. So I am giving up on an elaborate comment.
The fact is Mr. P I don’t actually know how to swim.
So God help you.
😆 😆 😆 😆
Mr.P
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That sealed it, GC- two underwater legends, one floating by choice and the other by necessity. The ocean wasn’t ready for this duo anyway. 😆😆😆😆
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😂😂😂😂
ROFL
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I think you are an authentic person, perfect as you are.
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Thank you so much Mary
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