Am I Phobic ?

While looking up for the word scopophobia i.e. the intense fear of making eye contact with people, on the internet, I was quite taken by surprise by the number of phobias which humans suffer from. While not in the extreme but I can relate to some. Though I am not scopophobic and dislike people who cannot look straight into the eye while interacting, I have a distinct uneasiness of strangers. I also avoid crowded places even on religious occasions. I’d rather go to a less frequented temple and pray quietly than be a part of a huge feverish group of devotees.

During my recent experience of prolonged and frequent stay at the hospital and multiple surgeries I have realised that I am fearful of physical pain which stems from long and undiagnosed illnesses and the amount of excruciating pain and discomfort I have had to endure thereof. Though it’s hard for me to relax during medical procedures but I wouldn’t say I am tomophobic i.e. suffering from the intense fear of surgical procedures or medical interventions. Come to think of it does anyone enjoy such experiences ?

Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia is the irrational fear of the number 666, often associated with the “number of the beast” from the Bible. I remember the film Omen has a reference to the number 666 as the sign of the devil. I watched Omen all by myself on TV late at night while my mother slept in the room next. It’s the most nuanced horror movie I have ever seen without any spooky background score or unnecessary melodrama. What is predominant about the movie is the lack of all of it. But it’s the silence and subtlety of the scenes that are killing. I realised this when all of a sudden the lights went off in the middle of the movie. In those days we did not have a generator or inverter at home. In that absolute darkness I just froze. I don’t think I’ll ever have the nerves to watch it or any of its other parts now.

I am intrigued to learn this new term – Gynophobia which refers to the fear of women. With the shameful number of rape cases making headlines I wonder whether the rapists are actually gynophobic or its just power play.

Athazagoraphobia is an intense, irrational fear of being forgotten or of forgetting someone or something. It can involve the fear of being ignored, replaced, or of losing one’s memories. Since I have seen my mother suffering from profound dementia for more than a decade I know what it is to not remember. After the surgeries I have had spells of retention deficit which tormented me as much as my physical ailment. Having fought with conventional as well as unconventional means to get over the memory losses I strongly feel everyone past their prime should become conscious of and actively work against the tendency of the brain to give in to forgetfulness.

Nyctophobia includes becoming nervous in any darkened environment and being reluctant to go out at night. I am nyctophobic and feel positively nervous and anxious if I am alone outside home after dark. I guess it’s because when I was a child I had strict instructions to get back home before dark. My mother was a strict disciplinarian and wouldn’t tolerate even a minute’s delay though I would be playing in the park right in front of the house. Mother’s strictness with time was not without reason as Delhi during those times was not at all a safe place even in broad daylight let alone after dark.

I was good at studies. If I worked hard at a subject I brought in good results. However, I don’t know how and when I developed this diffidence for Arithmetic. But I don’t think I am an acute case of Arithmophobia which  is the extreme fear of all or specific numbers, but I do get intimidated by figures and make stupid mistakes. I am not good with money either.

Kakorrhaphiophobia is the fear of failure and specifically  extreme anxiety when unable to achieve goals. People suffering from this phobia lose confidence in themselves and experience low self-esteem. I guess in today’s over competitive world most people suffer from this trait. Even I was a prey to it when I was working and had to meet monthly deadlines or finish an assignment within stiff timelines.

I guess all these phobias have genesis in either experiences in our formative years or later in the course of life. They are definitely not congenital or rooted in past lives or karma as many may take them to be. We may more or less suffer from some form of  inexplicable fears and anxieties which we should try to trace back to their roots. Self analysis may not be a permanent cure but it definitely lets one know the reactions to be expected in certain scenarios and take preemptive measures. If one can get rid of them on one’s own nothing like it. But at least, hopefully, it cannot grow in intensity with self awareness and self check.