What are 5 everyday things that bring you happiness?
Soon after the first surgery….
Nephew calls, “How do you spend the day?”
” Get up, brush my teeth, clean myself, have something to eat, do the breathing exercises and pray…
sit in the sun, read the daily, have breakfast and pray…
endure the pain, feel immensely grateful that I am still alive to feel the pain and pray….”
Have I learnt to surrender ?
Penitence is the best form of submission…
,,,
On one of the subsequent follow ups with the surgeon, ” This won’t do. Go back to your daily routine…hobbies.”
Is there any left?
I tell sis, “I am going down…”
She ineffectively hides her worries, ” Do come back at night…”
For more than a month I am under her care.
Life goes on like a well scribbled planner.
No meal planning,
no household chores,
no clearing of pending jobs,
no waiting for house assistants.
Result ?
I sleep on alternate nights…
Sis’s BP rises,
head aches return,
checking on me in the dead of the night, “Are you in pain?” …
occasional bouts of nervous ventilation with house helps…
Life is a baggage
…
I dodder down the steps … my personal attendant to lend a hand.
“How do I breathe in a space stinking with memories… losses…?”
I get down to ‘normalcy’…
Air the rooms …
Oh the stench of deaths!!!
Into the kitchen…
The first meal after ages…
Clean… clean …clean
the dust and debri away…
The familiar sounds of life from the adjacent flat…
a consolation!!!
“Are you better now?”
“Where is Rinky?”
“Gone for a walk…”,
attendant’s prompt answer.
Smart!
…
My housemaid opines, “You look better…”
“Get out and walk…” the presswallah’s son. Loud and clear.
“Didi, get well soon,” says the seamstress.
How I wish…
“Take good care of her”
the house painter to the attendant.
She doubles with laughter.
I shoo him out.
…
The neighborhood buzzes with the news.
“How do they know?” I ask irritatedly.
“They are concerned,” says sis.
I water the plants.
Gardening is therapeutic.
“Keep a journal.”
Write how you feel everyday.” Says sis.
…
These infuriating paper works to prove my presence on earth.
Takes time.
A painstaking visit to the bank.
The relationship manager quietly wraps up,
“Take care aunty.”
Everyone stares.
Quite a sight!
A drawn face,
bones poking the skin,
the slow walk,
the hobble down the stairs.
A spectacle unimagined.
Will it be like this forever?
…
Then the follow ups…
And the unexpected agonising of a diseased body.
…
I cajole Kali to come in, make her bed, tempt her with stix.
My puny guard.
(She looked depressed and wouldn’t talk to me for days.)
Didi calls, “How was the night?”
“I took Kali in,” I said.
“I thought as much. You’ve fared well “
Yes, armed to battle my demons…
For insomniac nights I have a moody soldier…
Am I happy?
It is your turn to receive care
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