Anatomy Of Rejection

I wanted to write about being rejected and the consequent dejection that follows suit for a very long time. Why? Simply because I belong to the quintessential “rejected” category. I guess many may have been at one point of life or the other but does not want to speak about it. Who likes to talk about an experience which is negative and deprecative of one’s own self?

Yes, we do take rejection as negation of our worth. Our worth which is an integral part of our identity. We, therefore,  perceive  negation of worth as non-recognition of who we are. The one thing that predominates our sense of identity is our ego. At times they are considered synonymous. So if someone negates our self or identity it hurts our ego to no end.

An injured ego may cause anger. For a person with very high self esteem it can be disastrous too. It can lead to acute depression. Both the causation are extreme. Anger can cause violent reaction. It is destructive. Depression can also be self annihilatory. So both depression and anger, though seem diametrically opposite, can catalyse similar results in different ways.

Now, the question is why do we take rejection so badly? I guess we seek our self worth in the eyes or judgment of others. If people around us or people whom we think are important to us or people whose opinion counts do not take us seriously, recognise us as what we wish them to recognise ourselves as or give weightage to our capabilities the way we do for ourselves we immediately fall prey to their judgement, lose our confidence and feel defeated.

It can always be argued that value or worth of any commodity is determined by the buyer. Are we commodifying ourselves if we believe our worth can be determined or devalued by others?

This is where strength of our conviction plays a very significant role. What is conviction ? It is what we believe in. It also includes our faith in our own selves. If we have faith in what we are I think it will not be very easy to destroy us. Unshakable faith in one own selves can also be taken as foolishness or arrogance. In both ways it’s a safeguard. Noone can demoralize a foolish person. Everyone keeps an arrogant person at bay.

But taken in a positive way it is conviction which distinguishes the extraordinary from the ordinary. Conviction has made possible discoveries and inventions. It has been the beacon of changes and reforms. Conviction has always outweighed rejection. 

Who has not been rejected in life? Even the greatest of the great has. But they have not stopped there. They have moved on rather paved their own way to being accepted, lauded and followed. They have become the trailblazers.

All this may sound very didactic. To a pragmatic figures are indicative. How many blows of rejection can a man’s conviction withstand? For most not many. For some it can result in incremental rise in obstinacy. How we choose to react to an external stimulus is our own decision. How we prefer to fight with our own selves is again our decided choice.

We may resign or we may rise. There is also the possibility of becoming indifferent to what may come.

Fact remains that the number who would love to reject or make us look unworthy are aplenty and waiting at every step. Who would let us be victorious? If I win then someone by default crashes down. Who would like to fall? None. So rejection means competition is heavy. If you are being rejected that means you are competitive enough to cause a sensation. That is why you are being removed from the way. This is another way of taking rejection in your stride instead of getting cowered by the very act.

Am I misguiding you? No. I am only offering an alternate perspective. Rejection is not so bad as we take it to be. It can also be another opportunity to improve, improvise or innovate. It can also mean that we have overestimated ourselves and need some reality checks. Rejection also signifies that we may not be meant for what we are hankering after. It’s an indication to opt for an entirely different route. Perhaps a more difficult one too.

So, in the final analysis, rejection may not be as regressive as we make it out to be. It  also implies that life has unimaginable possibilities which we have not cared to explore. So let’s be adventurous.

Is this wisdom gained on hindsight? Yes, possibly. But it’s worth sharing. Isn’t it? So, next time you get rejected or feel rejected shrug it out and take  the challenge of convincing the most unconvinced ones that their yardsticks are predated. Or just ignore them and take up something totally unthought of. Or sit down and just be introspective. Perhaps you will get the answer within.

All said and done, all the above tricks are way better than demeaning yourself and thinking you are really not worth it.

Don’t you think so…..?

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